fucking meaningless

was chatting wif jac yesterday and dunno how the hell it ended up talking about my past..and somehow i've not forgotten even a single one of those i tried to wash away...
yea rite...i was juz pretending to have gotten over things.....truth to be told...i haven't gotten over any shit....NOTHING AT ALL!!!!
till now there are many who do not understand wad i meant when i say "i'm not meant for happiness, happiness is not mine to hold"
for any guy i like, dun deserve someone wif a past like mine...
and as a person tainted wif such past... .....i do not deserve anyone...for i have no right to rob them of what they could have better..

mayb i should reconsider..... .... ..... ..
mayb it was all a mistake....... ........
mayb it's true.......i do not belong here......
mayb it's time..... i go over..........

yea~~

oh yea~
can log in to blogger liao~~
like FINALLY!!!!!
hiaz....
juz now went lao san's house for a mini gethering...
suddenly abit emo....
seeing so many frens being so close, so gd to her...
but than again....i'm not meant for a crowd..i'm not meant for the living....
for they are the ones who rejected my exsistence for no reason in the very 1st place..thus...i shall not draw them near to me...i'll be who i am, and push them far away..and those who are able to stay by my side, they shall be rewarded wif my loyalty..

12-12-2010....TIRED!!!!!!!!

woke up 0830 early in the morning, to have breakfast wif mom and oso get a plain white top for my eoy...
managed to find a guy's top which fits wad i'm looking for...too bad they do not have size XS...so....bought S instead (and it's only $9)..;p

sortof reached RP at ard 1230..found Ami and Deamonspade (aka kaito~)..xp
Ami got into the solo cosplay competition, so she has to go on stage, and Blake haven't arrived when she was being called in...so end up, she didnt see Blake at all lor...

but Blake did went to RP..juz tat he didn't wanna go in..
and worst part is tat i actually have to go back home already when he juz reached..
than he wanna go back oso..
felt bad making him camoe all the way to woodlands than no time to spend wif him..
so ask him to join my and my mom for our outting~

LOL..was fun goin house warming wif him...(and my mom's fren kinda made things a little bit awkward for us by goin on and on about he's my bf, we have couple face etc etc..)
lucky the neighbour had a pet kitten who juz loves to slip out the house...if not...think i'll really need a hole to hide my head in..

suppose to go ikea, than my grandfather house, together..but he got tired, and went back to rest after the house warming liao..
so went ikea wif mom, and bought 3 thingys we wanna bring to grandad house de...but my mom's boss called while we're at ikea and ask us to join his group for dinner (jia toh aka 'eat table')..

... ....felt like still got sooo many stuff wanna write....but...brain abit not functioning properly....-.-"

ok bah
think this post is getting kinda naggy liao..;p
ja ne~~

boredom kills.....

dunno why...
but feels like the past is kinda pulling me back...
the cold dark pit, of nothingness...
where people dun bother to look..
wher it's just me, and the spirits of the abyss.....

need to find new things to keep me here, and to keep them away frm me..
but tat can be kinda hard when almost everything is starting to seem meaningless..
starting to ponder on the meaning of life once again....
and tat's kinda the start of all things bad for ppl ard me....
juz hope i dun become quite all of a sudden...
for it scares me, more than it scares other people....
for more often than anything else...even i dunno wad i'm think at those times...

a new bond to keep me here....
wondering wad it could be.....

aiyoyo~~

ok..
i might be blogging alot more often now..(since i'm SUPER free at work MOST time)
but it's not gonna be much fun reading as it's mostly gonna be me blabbing nonsense..;p

ok..
now i've got a new task~!!
to miss-call my manager everyday, once i reached the shop..cuz it appears tat my boss has been complaining tat i'm always late..and tat sometimes, she'll tell her i'm more than 15min late, while i'm onlt at most 5-7min late lor..-.-

and also....for some reason....over $1k(cash)is missing from nov's sales $$....
and i really dun give a damn...a long as they dun start pointing finger at me...i mean, come on lah~
if everything tally during closing while i'm on duty, i dun see why they think i'm able to tell them how the $1k got missing..and juz to add on...wif manager getting kinda forgetful (due to the stress she's under these 2mth) and a boss who is kinda a bimbo (note tat i'm being kind here by saying 'kinda'), it might be possible tat they paid some supplier using tat amount of $$ and forgot about it.....
T.T
aiyo~~
dunno, dunn care, dunnn bother lah~~

wee~~

ard another half hour more!!!!
than can go back~~
and today's sales consider quite gd~~
so dun really have to worry..^^

eventhough juz now got 1 freaking annoying lady..
wan free wrapping, than told her need to buy wrapping paper frm us..
and she cheappo, buy 2 piece only, when actually 3 piece can wrap for her nicer..
than still wanna complain say y wrap this way? like not very nice noe..tsk tsk...
WTF!!!

*breath in, breath out*

nvm..juz becuz of her attitude, i PURPOSELY dun wrap too nice for her...
kns.....

ok~
reallly another 30min more to go~~
JY JY!!!!
WAIT FOR ME~~ MY BED~~~~

oh no..

AHHHhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!
shit shit shit shit shit~!!!!!
=[
HOW!!!!!!??
ayo....-.-

... ........... .................
-.-'''

juz cheacked my nuffnang......and he read my blog yesterday!!!!!!!
*bang wall and die*
die liao lah die liao lah..
this time really can die liao lah!!!!!!

aiyoyoyoyoyoy~~

really die better liao....
wad if there start to have a awkward air ard us when we go out how???
omg!!!
nvm..
better stop saying anymore...
now i kinda dun even know wad the hell i'm saying oso...
*bang table and die*

LOL..XDDDD

last nite after work went stereo look for Egon & Chunli to chit chat for awhile...
hahahahaha...
but i didnt go inside to look for them lah~~
asked the guard outside to call Egon for me...
than i hide one corner while waiting for him to come out....
and when he cam out.. ....heeheehee.. *!!BOO!!*
his reaction was PRICELESS!!!!!!!1
wahahhahahahhaaaahahaahahahaa..xDDDDDDDD

lucky~~~ ^^

WAH!!!
got a hell og a shock when i was told tat blake read my blog!!!!! o.O
it's like "oh no! oh shit!! did he read anyhting which he wasn't suppose to read!??

so i juz went through my blog and thinks tat i'm quite safe~(as i dun think he'll read posts frm tat far back) ^^
*~an xin~*

ad i can post this now cuz dun think he'll be reading my blog again any time soon~~ ;p
(found out he came and read it cuz my lao san, dear ShiHui, ask him to read it...)
if not dun think he'll ever visit my blog one lor..

but than again...
if he didn't read anything he WASN'T suppose to.. ....than wad's wif tha over-hyper slightly-abnormal behaviour yesterday???

??1??????? ?? o.O

haiya~~
dun noe.. dun wanna noe... better dun noe....
scared later the friendship change...i dun wan..

things remain as it is now can liao.....
dun wanna end up becoming anything less than wad we are now...
i dun wanna end up becoming a stranger instead... ... .....

sianzzzzzzz

bday reaching REAL SOON..(like it's tml lor)
dun even wanna think about wad's gonna happen..
cuz lao san wanna surprise me, so i shall let her do juz tat...
i'll try my very best to be surprised...

than heard tat morning my company wanna have "breakfast gathering/meeting" together on tat morning itelf too... ....-.-
(if it's for my bday, i rather they not do tat and let me sleep in my bed longer lor..)

and all those ppl which i tot i wanna spen my bday wif.. ... ...*sigh*
dun even wanna mention....most likely most of those ppl wont even wish me happy birthday....-.-
(if Huzaini were to sms or wish me happy bday on fb, tat'll really make my day.. and if meiya were to wish me happy bday, tat i'll really be shock till my jaw drop! )

other than these...... .......i'll still try to be surprised by my dear lao san..
so am praying tat the shop will be darn busy till i have no time to think of anything else, juz like how my bday was last year @ stereo....being kinda like the only person there whereby they didnt celebrate bday for, as the matter of fact, it was soooooo busy tat everyone was too worn out to even remember it was my bday lor...
and i was oso too tired to bother, juz wanna go home only.....

but my pay will MOST likely not be in yet~
soooo....no $ to even pamper myself wif sashimi tat nite lor...=[