mayb i should get some help..

saw some "souvenirs" on my hand and knew something real bad must have happened @ work juz now..and i must have made quite a number of ppl unhappy..
it's like every wed there's a curse of me being super hyper, which in turn meaning my subconscious will be at it's weakest moment..and which ever side of my will become more extreme when triggred..and during these times i'm beyond the control of myself..all there is to make sure none of me do anything too stupid and regret later is the mere subconscious of my own stubborn self..the one who won't allow myself to faint even after overdosing on 16 relaxant tablet..but i wonder for how much longer can it hold on, preventing the other me frm hurting myself or others too badly..
mayb i should seek help..before the other me starts to destory all those things which are dear to me in Stereo..like how it destory some other stuff which are dear to me in the past..there are lots of things which are not known by many, for even when i talked abut those stuff, it would b in a joking manner..for i know that for a fact noones gonna understand wadever i'm saying if i were to say it seriously..furthur more..they may even think somethng else..
well..lets hope that it's really nothing serious and tat it's juz all n my head..

day off 23/11/09..

hmmm..lets see..

met my facebook fren, spidey, for the 1st time @ cineleisure ard noon for lunch and movie wif his frens..watch Neon Eva 2.0: you can (not) advance..!!!!
it was FUCKING GD lah..!!! xD (pardon my lingual)
can't wait for the 3rd movie to be released..^^

went bugis, bali lane to my fren's shop..alice 88th..and OMFG, she got quit afew new dolls on display..and they all look AWSOME~!!!!!
how i wish to have my very own dollfie..(hint hint, and my bday's comin very soon*;p)
spent the rest of my day ther chating wif her and her dolls..only to reach home @ 33min past midnite..;p

might b goin there again later to be her shop model..haha..that's the only place i can sorta be a model..and think she's the only one who will allow me to do as i please (sorta, in a way..;p)
haha..didn't take any pics juz now..><
but than again..i'm thinking of gettin a video camcorder..wouldn't it be beta if i had videos instead of only photos..??
xD....

attanded a funeral, missed AFA..

*sigh*..have been looking forward to AFA for sooooooo loonnnggggggg..and for wad..end up i missed it..but it ok i guess..at least the funeral i attended didn't have those freaking hypocrites..
it juz so saddens me that those who are gd and nice are always the ones to die early..
(or maybe it's cuz we dun wan them to leave us soo soon, thus it seems it's too early for them to leave us like this..)

but wad i heard was that he went w/o any regrets...which is a gd thing (rite..?) cuz he was a gd guy nevertheleast..okies..gtg now..haven't had any sleep since i got home on sunday morning...
thank goodness i have mon & tue to rest..^^

ja ne minna~
oyasumi nasai~^^

D.U.R.A.M.A..staring: drunk crazy ladies..;p

heehee..it's actually drama la..;p
anyways..slangs aside..it was quite a action nite @ work juz now..quite afew free drama to watch..but sad to say, (i'm not tryin to b racist or wad), but those drama which made me feel like slapping those stupid "lead actress" face are all of indian race..best part is that they are fucking demanding while not being he ones to spend a single cent..xxooxxoxoxo..juz can't understand how can people be so damn thicked-skinned..
xD
msg 'him' in the early afternoon regarding the changes needed to b done to the design.. sometimes he's juz simply cute la..think his brain not working properly during that time or that he has too much stuff to think about..but i'm juz happy enough that his msg tone has become more friendly, more like how he used to msg me in the past..^^
and not so distant, as if i'm only a customer..
really hope i still stand a chance to be with him..but i'll juz let things go as natural as possible..i'll try not to force anything to happen or push my luck too far..dun wanna end up lossing him again..

something i wanna do..

hmmmm..here's a very short wishlist for my birthday~^^
i want a laptop,
1) a silk kimono,
2) to lose 7kgs,
3) to get tattoo-ed,
4) to get pierced,
5) spend time wif my VERY GD frens,
6) to have fun and enjoy myself wif my frens,
7) to enjoy a very pleasent dinning exp wif family & frens,
8) to own a inu shiba, inu akita, neko(s) as pet(s),
9) to go on a half mth tour/visit to japan,
10) to take a shower wif the one i like, and wash/scrub his back for him..(!?)

HAhahahahah..ok..it's not like i wanna get ALL these by this yr's bday..this is more like wad i wanna do in the next few yrs to come..wif the 10th as the ultimate as it's the least likely to happen, not very possible for it to happen..
okie~that's all for now~ ja ne~^^

posted quite a number of my works on kaymatsu-soulpoetry..
most of them are writen awhlie back before i started my blog(s)..
ALL of those poems on facebook had been re-posted on soulpoetry and think i did edited afew of them (mostly spelling errors)..and also posted the japanese version of few of those..^^
have fun reading~

so many things to say..but dunno how to say them..

hi minna~ (hi everyone~;p)
long long time never update blog wor..not tat i've got nothing to update, juz tat i think i should cut down on the whining & complaining on my blog..so ya..having said tat guess more or less you noe during those days i've no updates most likely it's gonna b complains bout this and that..
bla bla bla..etc etc..

i still miss those times spent together wif m.a. but knew it's impossible for us to even b gd frens now..i'm glad tat he still share things regarding his tattoo biz wif me even now..even if tis juz cuz i'm his customer who did my tattoo there and will have more tattoo done wif him in future..

have plans to go Taiwan or japan in mid 2010..hope to save up enough to fly AND spend there..=3
honto ni..demo ne~ even if i manage to save enough it would only b enough for 1 person bah..since think i'll b the only 1 saving up..
LIKE TAT HOW TO BRING MY MOM ALONG OSO SIA~!!!
unless i save up more than half my pay frm next mth onwards..than mayb possible..shall try tat in dec see how..;p

past few day has been a little "weird" la..it's like my brain if functioning totally on it's own, wif los of ideas for this and that..best part is i can hardly catch wad it's thinking bout..but one thing's for sure..it juz seems like god has misplaced this wonderful brain into the wrong body of some sort..cuz this brain has lots of inspiration and ideas for lotsa things..but it juz can't find a way to express it..which s why sometimes i get these really weird headachs and stuff..and sometimes i'll juz stone not cuz i'm tired but cuz there're too many things going through my brains till it can't function properly for the period of time..

recently..it seems tat i'm been doin something like "visual poetry" thingy..(not sure it such a term even exists..;p)
it's juz poems, but it would b better if there are some pics or videos for the benefits of those who can't really visualise Anything juz by reading words and nothing else..

hmmmm......

anyways..gonna sleep soon..have to wake early to go buy cloth to make somethin to wear for AFA this wkends, 21-22 nov..yeah~..
=3
;p
^^
xD

something gd~xD

hmmmm..where should i start.. ... .....
well..got home frm work on tue, should say wed morning, 3 something in da morning..
as usual online for a while to play some games on fb and need to send some1 some1 an email..
so i was juz playin my game(s) on fb after i've sent the email when noticed tat some1 is online..
haha..i tot it would b gd if i inform him tat i've alreadi emailed him, but not sure if he's really there..i started off wi my Signature "hi hi..^^" thingy..
he did reply..and we chatted, though mostly it's regarding the "thingy" i emailed him..than suddenly he ask me if i'm free later..(there i was thinking "wah! wanna ask me out isit?" but then, it's me again who's thinking "sigh* impossible one lah" )..
turn out tat he wants to take pics of tattoos he has done lah so ask me to go his house like 7am..so tat i can go home and sleep after photos are taken..(but seriously i would've prefer to sleep there if he offer me..;p)
went his house, chatted for awhile..(even though there're lots of silent moments here and there)..it feels juz like when we 1st known each other, as if time has turn back it's hand and return us to the past..except now he has lost alot of weight..
while i was there..there are soooo many thing i wanted to tell him, sooo many