Sigh...yea, I tried to be normal, tried to be more of a social person..tried to be less angry, tried to love, tried to forget, tried to live life as supposed to be....
Tried to love, and failed badly, for it isn't in my nature to do so, which made me not know how to love...and I end up pushing those ppl even further away frm me...
Tried to be normal...but juz as a crazy person can never fully be normal, I can't either...when I'm ill, when I get too pissed off as something, I tend to revisit old ways...be it force vomit, or scratch till I almost tear my skin, till it almost bleed, or simply starve myself for no reason other than bcuz I'm angry...
And even though knowing I HAVE to talk to someone, but it seems I have no one I talk to....they are juz kids, who have their own troubles, and haven't even been through even half of was I had, so to talk to them about these is like talking einstein since to Adam and eve...they would not understand 90% of was I'm saying, and such topics are boring to even listen to...
So, I can only write it out here....
I wouldn't even post such thing here, unless I have to....and I'm doin so now is bcuz I feel like if I dun let some of the things out, i'll end up scaring myself again....and currently, there is nothing or me to hold on to, not even false hopes...
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