I Have been, and always will be by your side.

Sweet child, o so innocent and pure, regardless of how you see yourself as.
It pains me so to hear your cries, so much sadness hidden in your voice.
I've always been by your side, in the shadows, hidden away from the light,
Watching over you, for even way before you have noticed me,
You have been bringing nothing but warmth and joy to my non-existence life.

I am the filth, shunned by all.
I am the darkness, loathed by all.
Yet there you are, seeking me out with your all.
To be sought after by you, so wholeheartedly,
It showed me a glimpse of future I never had known.

I am, the bringer of Death, nothing good ever comes my way.
It is for the best to stay away, yet that, I can't, from you I can't stay away.
Don't cry my Dear, do not shed tears for me my Love.
For when the time is right, I shall take your hands in mine once again,
Leading you away from the world that have caused you so much pain.

But till then, I'll be here.
Like a rock, set here by nature, brought to you by fate,
Here I'll stay, like I've always had, and I'll always be here, by your side.
So cry not, my Precious one, for it pains me not being able to wipe those tears away.

Estoy débil y cansado Dulce muerte, llévame pronto

Though I've always known that humans are not meant to be trusted. But carelessly I've let my guard down, and how careless of me to grown quite attached to some. After all the trouble you went through, to send me comfort in forms of my own kind, only for me to get too close and hurt myself even more by my actions.

How I wished, and how I prayed, for you to come take me away, before my soul is damned into oblivion. How I've hated the world I'm in, filled with nothing but lies and deceit. With the veil of false justice and fake kindness, put up by those self-righteous people. How I've hated the world that I lived in, but even more so, the Me who's living in it.
Plaster on a fake smile every single day, so that people will not bother me by pretending to care if I'm alright. When kindness and loyal are absolutely useless, those are the only things I have. Try as I may, to hide away from the world, not to trust, not to feel, not to be attached to anything or anyone here. But weak and weary is my soul, far too tired to keep the wall up for long, I shall destroy everything with my very hands. And can only hope you'll forgive me after all the damage has been done.

O death, sweet death, who has been by my side for so long. The violent end which you wish to keep me away from, I cannot even bare to imagine your grief if you were to know that it is I who brought it upon myself in the end.
For i could not wait for you to come for my soul, no I can't bare to wait that long. I've grown tired as each days goes by. My strength weakened, my will dissolving into nothingness. My life, barely hanging, a single strand of silk around my neck.

Die Before I Wake

If I had died before I wake, so long time ago, I would have not known the bitter taste of Betrayal.
If I had died before I wake, so long time ago, I might have not known the sweet sour taste of Love and Friendship.
If I had died before I wake, so long time ago, I would be fine even in the afterlife, for I would have only known the same darkness which I had grew up with.
If I had only died before I wake, so long long time ago, died not knowing the Joy and Sorrows of having a fellow human companion, died not knowing what the future could bring.
I should be fine, even without those, I have known the Love of thee O holy ghost. For it is thee who had been by my side all along.

But yet, here I am, Alone, Bruised, and Broken beyond repair. With only thee by my side, trying best to comfort my darkened twisted soul.
Pray as I may, for the day to come sooner, that I may die in my sleep, with thee leading my soul away from this world which has damned me so.

In Order To Feel Alive

It would seems to me that the world is indeed a small small world. Who would've known, working with someone who stays so close to him. And somehow my resolve has been shaken even further, when his bday text has already brought it halfway down to the ground..

All these heart aches and emotions seemingly too much to bare, but yet I refuse to let it go somehow, somewhat fitting for a masochist such as myself I guess. Instead of inflicting physical pain, I might have taken comfort in hurting myself in ways the eyes of the world can't see. Almost as if these pain are the only way I feel connected to the wold of the living, the only way I know that I am still, but another human in this vast world..

I've heard that he still walk his dog, alone at that I might add, and bout human and dog seems to be doing fine. Guess I can take comfort in knowing both are still alive and well, but am sure he lost some weight, if he's still the same person as the one I once knew, the one who often forgets his meals because he's either too busy or too lazy to eat..

Knowing it's best for me to keep away, but in the end, I might ended up sending him anonymous gifts again for his bday. Pray hard I'll be able to control the urge to buy soft toys over the next 2 months....

Short Story: INVISIBLE LOVER

     For as long as i can remember, there has always been this boy. Always there to greet me in the morning, with that big silly smile on his face. Always there coaxing me to sleep at night, and comfort me when I'm woken by frightening nightmares. And for all i can remember, I've not once heard him telling me his name, but his presence has been all so natural, it never dawn on me to ask as well.

As time passes, I start to realized  the he rarely interacts with other people, in fact, I've never ever seen him getting close to another other than me. Initially I just thought of it as him being shy, but slowly seems strange as I noticed people around are paying him no mind at all, like he wasn't even there. It appears that he's one of those they called "imaginary friends".
Keeping him as a personal secrete, not wanting anyone else to know about him, afraid that he might be stolen away. And true enough, even after growing up, even when it was said that "imaginary friends"disappear after one has reach a certain age, he's still around. Being a perfect gentlemen, growing up along with me, being by my side always no matter what.
He'll follow me everywhere, when I'm with my friends, he'll stand beside me, quietly and patiently.
There are times when we would fight and won't see each other for days, but he'll always come back and things will somehow return back to how it has always been.

Spoiled by his attention and affections, I grew to became overly dependent on him, and having a deeper relationship with another person seems close to impossible. Sometimes I wonder, maybe he is just as selfish as I am, just maybe, he wanted to have me all to himself just as much. Even if that's true, it's interesting how happy it made me, when he gets angry when some other guy has more attention then him, but he's never truly angry even when I was behaving like a child and being unreasonable.

The promise I made to him, I shall never take my own life, for is saddens him to see me hurt myself.
The promise he made to me, never to leave me no matter what, for he knows I can no longer live if he's gone.
The promise we made to each other, not even death can do us part.


**Wrote this within 3 - 4 hours. might use this as a rough guide for future ref. 

No Rest For The Living, I Sleep When I'm Dead

Carelessly, I gave my heart away, to a man not meant to be.
Whispers I hear, day and night, telling me to take back what is mine.
A good man he is, but can never be mine.
That much I know, yet, I can't take back the heart that was mine.

Once a year, a message comes, stirring emotions which I spent months to ignore.
Pushing for the cycle to repeat itself, from start to end.
Like how the seasons repeats itself each year,
Like how the night will always come after the sun sets.

Even if in sleep, my mind do not rest, nor do my soul.
I am, but an empty vessel, performing tasks day to day.
No rest for the living, I sleep when I'm dead.
Buried six feet under, with the earth as my bed.