truth is out, finally, and not surprising.

yes, finally, I've got the answer I was looking for. Though nothing nice, but at least I've gotten an honest answer for once.

The disappointing part is that he twisted the whole story around, saying I was the one who wanted this r/s, I was the one clinging onto him, and that he, never once, wanted anything to do with me. The only reason he brought me out for food is because he pity me, and wad comes after makan is just a form of getting some sort of payment back...And if anything, he actually felt ashamed to be associated with me in any way.

He replied "we were only just friends" when I told him I need closure, but from the sounds of things, we were never even friends. and sort of seen this coming. He was broke while he was with me, still having credit card debts to pay off. Once that's cleared, he moved on to date another better looking model around the same time he bought his 2nd hand Harley.

Bonds are precious, more so than diamonds
Promises not kept are nothing more than meaningless words
A hug, a touch, even a handshake,
Could mean so much more than empty words

Lies, deceit, pity, and sympathy not needed
If honesty could not be given, silence would be preferred
Time has passed, memories forged
Regrets and 'what ifs', what good are they for?
...
Feelings lost, or maybe there never was
Both good times and bad are time lost and gone
Tears were cries, sleepless nights has passed
Thank you for the memories, and I'll be saying good bye for good

 

 

All I ever wanted was honesty, which proves too much for this flamboyant son of a gun. If it's just someone good looking whom he can show it off to the world, even if it means high maintenance fees, that's not a gf that he wants. And if the limelight's all he seeks, and is selfish to that extent of twisting the whole story around like this, I'm glad things are over. And the fact that he will never dare to contact me ever again sounds perfect~

Soy tonto, pero no puedo evitarlo

Yes I am silly, somehow he still makes me smile~ 

It's not fair I know, but even when we were still together, it has been more or less like this.. Tried to flirt with other boys, but after a short while, I get bored and tired of that guy

Well, wad gives?

Oh well, saw this coming during the prev time he said he wanna break but ended up came back..so now that there is someone new to stay, he can dump me for sure. 

At least now I can focus on doing my photoshoots and stuff, and save cab fares as well~~

Shall look on the brighter side, a better one will come my way soon~~ ^^

Ponder ponder

Oh well, had a nice long walk wif kel to his old house, and had a nice long chat~~

It's just nice as I needed a nice long stroll to clear my mind~ But end of the day when am alone on my bed, I can't sleep cuz my brain takes on a mind of its own and starts thinking too much. And at times, it's to the extent till it is wondering off in the sub-conscious region of thoughts, whereby my conscious mind knows its thinking too much, but it can't quite point a finger at wad are the things the mind is wondering about.

All I can hope for is a good night sleep and for my brain to just know when it is time to rest, it's time to stop wondering all over the place!

ehhh??

it seem he simply forgets almost everything..lucky i stopped pinning hope that he will remember he promised to pay my phone bills for me....

oh well, guess i really hold no place in his heart bah.......

album updated on fanpage~~

yep yep~
https://www.facebook.com/LavianekoKay my fb fanpage~~
but it's more like a page I upload all those photos frm photoshoot in~ because Deviantart and ModelMayhem have became none mobile friendly.. sadly... as I update those photos normally via mobile phone!!

oh well~

here's a little preview of one of the photo frm my most recent shoot on 3 Aug~

Credits: Photog and editing: Kelvin Siau
model: Laviakay (myself)

運命の

Guess fate and destiny isn't all that wonderful...

Some people are just born with good charm, and when they need something, so long they ask, they get what they want. Me? Even though stuff we went through may be similar, but still, even when I ask, I never get what I needed, be it from frens or loved ones....

Guess god has never ever shine its favor on me, not even once..and the damned Lu is the one making me feel like my prayers are answered, only to give me a cruel wake up call.

rants!!!

some people have problem with me having a fanpage, and maybe they have issues with me as a person as well after meeting me in the flesh..

well, I've never lied to anyone, saying i'm to hottest gal they'll ever meet, neither did I say i'm a slim gal. The photogs whom I have worked with are skilled enough to catch the lights and angles to make me look good w/o over editing the photos, credits goes ...to them. So pls, stop being a bitch. I take it personally when people start pin pointing me and discredit those photogs I've worked with. There are people who cannot shoot bigger size people, and there are those who can but wont. But pls, those whom I've shot with are friendly and professional as well, not despo till my kind of person also shoot k?

 

 

cant rant on fb due to fasting mth for our dear muslims friends, so i'm posting this rant on my blog instead...hope none of my muslims friend saw the long list of comments and photos about gore horror movies

Adopt the right habit that leads to success today!

http://www.badassbutton.com/e9982969ba59451f857cc920b4b0be95
it's all about habits, start adopting one which leads to success, Empower with us today~

Join me at Empower~

wanna earn extra income for that stuff u really wanted? or want to be able to earn while being able to enjoy the freedom of time and money? or u really wanted to be your own boss for a change and take control of your life?


People who are interested in earning passive income by blogging, feel free to email me at kay.matsu@live.com for more details~

Cheated!!

Yes!!! Feeling so cheated!!!!!!!

Super irritated, here I am, starving as I lent him my last dollar, yet he totally don't  care anymore eh??

恋爱不是应该让女人变得漂亮吗?
我不但没变漂亮, 反而变得软弱无能。一丁点儿的小事情都差点把我给气哭了。发现我现在爱他爱得好辛苦, 因为认清了我永远都不会是他生命里重要人物之一。。。不过他一句"我爱你"却又吧我打败了。难道这是因为他是我第一段感情, 因为我缺乏经验吗??
有谁能教教我?

That day said tired, ended up went drinking. Now tell me same thing again..only god knows if he's really gonna be resting or having other programs which are way better and more worthy of his time...
Mayb for the whole of next week don't even need to ask if he wanna meet. Let him have tonnes of rest, maybe after being well rested, he won't even miss me anymore.....

Sometimes I wonder if I don't even have the rights to be concerned. If so, can just let me know, so I can stop asking stuff in the future, and just keep everything to myself. And further more, he don't even bother to be the 1st to message me anymore. These days I kinda feel like if I don't message him 1st, I won't be hearing anything from him for the entire day!! Another way of looking at this would be either he's bored already, or he finds me too clingy and childish....

Guess it could be both as well. Can't check with his frens as we don't have any mutual frens on his side!!! Maybe I'm just being clingy, shall stop bugging him till god knows when.....

Learning something new everyday!

At least now I know he's the type who's not into celebrating monthly anniversarys.
Guess from now on, I celebrate on my own bah~

Only b'day and perhaps our 1year anniversary than celebrate~
But at least we had our 1mth anniversary dinner~~ gd enough for me~~ ^^

怎么办?

对!! 怎么办? 怎么办?! 我开始有一丁点儿没安全感了啦!!

His words are starting to contradict, but I didn't wanna clarify as I dun wan him to come up wif more excuses etc...
Juz take this sat for example, he told me he have been booked for wedding photography, but I found out via fb that he's goin to a lingerie shoot on sat...so which is true? He goin to shoot cute young gals in lingerie or go shoot wedding??
And I asked him if he bought anything back for me frm Germany. Its ok if he didn't, I have already prepared for that as he might really be busy with work till no time to shop. But he said he did bought something back for me, just that we always meet up super last minute and he didnt have it wif him..so I said let's meet on thur~ since it's our 2mth anniversary as well..
But juz now he just let me know he's not gonna be free till Sunday.....

I really dunno wad to think le...am I the only one who really bother to plan anything in this r/s?? I know he's never gonna marry me, that will affect his reputation which he has build up..I know this seems stupid, but I don't really mind....and I have been coming up with excuses whenever my mom asks when I'm planning to introduce my bf to her....

我心真的好乱! But whenever he tells me he loves me, I believe him! And when he says he misses me so badly everyday cuz he keeps seeing my photos he have, I treat that as a he's teasing me...
Cuz I don't need to see his photos I already miss him terribly, when I see his photos, it juz made me.miss him to the extend my heart aches..(and to think he always say he's the only one who misses me and that I don't miss him at all...)

Think I should try to get sleeping pills....if not, whenever he pull stunts as such, I finds my bad habit of self torture via depriving myself of rest being most of the time, other times, I either starve or binge till I bloat like no body's business....

Feeling a little lost

I know he is busy, and rarely have time for me..but sometimes when he suddenly stops adding 'baby' when he whatsapp me, or suddenly the tone or choice of words seems different, my mind can't help but to wonder wild...

Esp after i posted some stuff on my fb...i'm not treating him like my atm, i can pay for my own stuff! But i sometimes feels that our shopping trip always somehow gets postponed is cuz he didn't wanna shop wif me.....its kinda frustrating cuz i really wanna know wad kinda clothes he likes on a gal, wad kinda style etc.....

And i didn't ask him for the gift he promised to buy back for me frm Germany, cuz i think most likely he either didn't have time or have forgotten about it...and am trying to stop myself from thinking towards the negative side of things.....

Sigh, and wad he said on Wed added to the mix, made me felt even worst now....thus last nite went Mango1, to chill and let down while visiting a place i've never been to....ended up, can't enjoy...
1st is i got bored pretty fast, then a total random guy started to pick a fight wif my fren, heard the cause was that he liked a thai gal who were at our table quite often (ofcuz la! Those gals are my fren's close fren, ofcuz come our table quite often!). Best of all, all his frens refuse to hold him back, end up I have to do the job of pulling him away from my fren, which he later pushed me and raised his hands at me, only then his frens and the bouncer step in to pull him away....

8 April 2013

Went Lorong Chuan for interview this morning~ aaaaand, didn't think it went well at all...

Information given to me by the agent was wrong, he said just simple admin and customer service will do, went there and was informed that have to have sales exp as in dealing wif consumers, distributors, and engineers....admin exp as in have knowledge of preparing POs and DOs (purchase orders and delivery orders), and eventhough said min req is "O" lvls, was told the prefer diploma holders...so after saying a whole lot of craps indicating I'm below their expectations, tell me they dun mind taking people wif no relevant exp but is willing to learn, just that the 1.9k/mth I'm asking for is abit too high.....wtf, I'm already getting 1.8, u tell me 1.9 u not willing to pay, might as well dun put u offering 2k la!!

I dreamt of spring (short story)

In a land of never ending winter, where the horizon is forever white. The scorching heat of the blazing sun became a gentle warmth, treasured by all. For all their lives, they have only known snow, ice, and the blizzard cold.

There I was, born into this heaven of pure white nothingness. The land was white, covered in snow. The animals I see, they are white. Even the sky above me, rarely are they blue, mostly fluffy white.

Once in awhile, travelers drop by to experience this piece of winter wonderland. And with them, they brought about stories and photos of their world, a world totally foreign to us. Stories of changing seasons, of the hot summer heat and everyone cooling down by the beach, photos of lush green country side during spring, photos of bright red, orange, and yellow during Autumn.

Time after time, these stories and photos got me thinking and wondering about the world outside. Amidst of all these white that's surrounds me, I dreamt of colourful flowers blooming amidst a stretch of lush meadows. The rustles of the leaves whenever a breeze passed by.

In this peaceful winter wonderland, where everything everywhere is forever white and cold, I kept dreaming of the nice warm breeze and the field filled with blooming blossoms. Wishing for that day where I could see that beautiful view right in front of me.

But here I am, stuck, drifting about aimlessly, body laying at the bottom of this freezing waters. Here I am, stuck, forever dreaming of Spring to come.

2nd April 2013, wasted the morning away

Yep~
Went for a supposedly interview at UOB Plaza1, recruit express office, but ends up, a total unfruitful waste of time, money, and energy!

At least today learnt that one do not wear black top/blouse to an interview~

Time to get a new blouse for my interview on coming Monday!
Yep, A new blouse. 1 is enough, as it'll be hard and good enough if I could get just 1~

My Mr Right~

Yep yep~
Finally got attached on 18Feb2013~
We're still getting to know each other better, but we're working on our differences (I guess)..

But somehow I always manage to unintentionally screw up our dates...always making mistakes like saying something wrong, or doing something wrong...best part, I didn't even realised till I notice dear dear seems a little pissed....am very worried sooner or later my inexperience will become too much for him..

So 加油 to me!! 我可以的!!

Updates!!

Well, took me long enough to find blogger app on android play store~

And these are edited via poco 美人相机~~
I make alternative look cute~ ^^