恋爱不是应该让女人变得漂亮吗?
我不但没变漂亮, 反而变得软弱无能。一丁点儿的小事情都差点把我给气哭了。发现我现在爱他爱得好辛苦, 因为认清了我永远都不会是他生命里重要人物之一。。。不过他一句"我爱你"却又吧我打败了。难道这是因为他是我第一段感情, 因为我缺乏经验吗??
有谁能教教我?

That day said tired, ended up went drinking. Now tell me same thing again..only god knows if he's really gonna be resting or having other programs which are way better and more worthy of his time...
Mayb for the whole of next week don't even need to ask if he wanna meet. Let him have tonnes of rest, maybe after being well rested, he won't even miss me anymore.....

Sometimes I wonder if I don't even have the rights to be concerned. If so, can just let me know, so I can stop asking stuff in the future, and just keep everything to myself. And further more, he don't even bother to be the 1st to message me anymore. These days I kinda feel like if I don't message him 1st, I won't be hearing anything from him for the entire day!! Another way of looking at this would be either he's bored already, or he finds me too clingy and childish....

Guess it could be both as well. Can't check with his frens as we don't have any mutual frens on his side!!! Maybe I'm just being clingy, shall stop bugging him till god knows when.....

Learning something new everyday!

At least now I know he's the type who's not into celebrating monthly anniversarys.
Guess from now on, I celebrate on my own bah~

Only b'day and perhaps our 1year anniversary than celebrate~
But at least we had our 1mth anniversary dinner~~ gd enough for me~~ ^^

怎么办?

对!! 怎么办? 怎么办?! 我开始有一丁点儿没安全感了啦!!

His words are starting to contradict, but I didn't wanna clarify as I dun wan him to come up wif more excuses etc...
Juz take this sat for example, he told me he have been booked for wedding photography, but I found out via fb that he's goin to a lingerie shoot on sat...so which is true? He goin to shoot cute young gals in lingerie or go shoot wedding??
And I asked him if he bought anything back for me frm Germany. Its ok if he didn't, I have already prepared for that as he might really be busy with work till no time to shop. But he said he did bought something back for me, just that we always meet up super last minute and he didnt have it wif him..so I said let's meet on thur~ since it's our 2mth anniversary as well..
But juz now he just let me know he's not gonna be free till Sunday.....

I really dunno wad to think le...am I the only one who really bother to plan anything in this r/s?? I know he's never gonna marry me, that will affect his reputation which he has build up..I know this seems stupid, but I don't really mind....and I have been coming up with excuses whenever my mom asks when I'm planning to introduce my bf to her....

我心真的好乱! But whenever he tells me he loves me, I believe him! And when he says he misses me so badly everyday cuz he keeps seeing my photos he have, I treat that as a he's teasing me...
Cuz I don't need to see his photos I already miss him terribly, when I see his photos, it juz made me.miss him to the extend my heart aches..(and to think he always say he's the only one who misses me and that I don't miss him at all...)

Think I should try to get sleeping pills....if not, whenever he pull stunts as such, I finds my bad habit of self torture via depriving myself of rest being most of the time, other times, I either starve or binge till I bloat like no body's business....

Feeling a little lost

I know he is busy, and rarely have time for me..but sometimes when he suddenly stops adding 'baby' when he whatsapp me, or suddenly the tone or choice of words seems different, my mind can't help but to wonder wild...

Esp after i posted some stuff on my fb...i'm not treating him like my atm, i can pay for my own stuff! But i sometimes feels that our shopping trip always somehow gets postponed is cuz he didn't wanna shop wif me.....its kinda frustrating cuz i really wanna know wad kinda clothes he likes on a gal, wad kinda style etc.....

And i didn't ask him for the gift he promised to buy back for me frm Germany, cuz i think most likely he either didn't have time or have forgotten about it...and am trying to stop myself from thinking towards the negative side of things.....

Sigh, and wad he said on Wed added to the mix, made me felt even worst now....thus last nite went Mango1, to chill and let down while visiting a place i've never been to....ended up, can't enjoy...
1st is i got bored pretty fast, then a total random guy started to pick a fight wif my fren, heard the cause was that he liked a thai gal who were at our table quite often (ofcuz la! Those gals are my fren's close fren, ofcuz come our table quite often!). Best of all, all his frens refuse to hold him back, end up I have to do the job of pulling him away from my fren, which he later pushed me and raised his hands at me, only then his frens and the bouncer step in to pull him away....

8 April 2013

Went Lorong Chuan for interview this morning~ aaaaand, didn't think it went well at all...

Information given to me by the agent was wrong, he said just simple admin and customer service will do, went there and was informed that have to have sales exp as in dealing wif consumers, distributors, and engineers....admin exp as in have knowledge of preparing POs and DOs (purchase orders and delivery orders), and eventhough said min req is "O" lvls, was told the prefer diploma holders...so after saying a whole lot of craps indicating I'm below their expectations, tell me they dun mind taking people wif no relevant exp but is willing to learn, just that the 1.9k/mth I'm asking for is abit too high.....wtf, I'm already getting 1.8, u tell me 1.9 u not willing to pay, might as well dun put u offering 2k la!!

I dreamt of spring (short story)

In a land of never ending winter, where the horizon is forever white. The scorching heat of the blazing sun became a gentle warmth, treasured by all. For all their lives, they have only known snow, ice, and the blizzard cold.

There I was, born into this heaven of pure white nothingness. The land was white, covered in snow. The animals I see, they are white. Even the sky above me, rarely are they blue, mostly fluffy white.

Once in awhile, travelers drop by to experience this piece of winter wonderland. And with them, they brought about stories and photos of their world, a world totally foreign to us. Stories of changing seasons, of the hot summer heat and everyone cooling down by the beach, photos of lush green country side during spring, photos of bright red, orange, and yellow during Autumn.

Time after time, these stories and photos got me thinking and wondering about the world outside. Amidst of all these white that's surrounds me, I dreamt of colourful flowers blooming amidst a stretch of lush meadows. The rustles of the leaves whenever a breeze passed by.

In this peaceful winter wonderland, where everything everywhere is forever white and cold, I kept dreaming of the nice warm breeze and the field filled with blooming blossoms. Wishing for that day where I could see that beautiful view right in front of me.

But here I am, stuck, drifting about aimlessly, body laying at the bottom of this freezing waters. Here I am, stuck, forever dreaming of Spring to come.

2nd April 2013, wasted the morning away

Yep~
Went for a supposedly interview at UOB Plaza1, recruit express office, but ends up, a total unfruitful waste of time, money, and energy!

At least today learnt that one do not wear black top/blouse to an interview~

Time to get a new blouse for my interview on coming Monday!
Yep, A new blouse. 1 is enough, as it'll be hard and good enough if I could get just 1~

My Mr Right~

Yep yep~
Finally got attached on 18Feb2013~
We're still getting to know each other better, but we're working on our differences (I guess)..

But somehow I always manage to unintentionally screw up our dates...always making mistakes like saying something wrong, or doing something wrong...best part, I didn't even realised till I notice dear dear seems a little pissed....am very worried sooner or later my inexperience will become too much for him..

So 加油 to me!! 我可以的!!

Updates!!

Well, took me long enough to find blogger app on android play store~

And these are edited via poco 美人相机~~
I make alternative look cute~ ^^