like very long never blog liao!!!!!! staying @ my fren's place tonite *again~~ hmmmmm..... dun think i can hit my target for this mth.... sadddddddddd...:(((

柴犬（子犬）

CUTE!!!!!!!!! ^^

WAkakakakakakakaka..!!!!! endedup playing mahjong, and overnight-ing at my fren's place~~ and even though i started off the biggest looser, at the end of the game, i won 30cents!!!! lol~~ my luck comes towards the end everytime~~ ok~ gtg!! still gotta work later!!! nightss~~~~

my keys are nowhere to be found in my fren's house... saddddddd.....my h.Naot kitty keychain.....:((((( at my frens house now, will be staying over at her place for 9 days on 6 april onwards!!!! cuz her bro goin NS, and she dun dare to sleep alone~~ LOL.....

gonna go shower, than go bed sleep liao~~ damn tired, gotta rest more....panda eyes coming out liao..

my tattooist sms me this morning, asking when i'm free, he wanna finish up my tattoo!!!! ^^ think he's finally done wif all his event and stuff which seems to be piling up never-ending-ly... cant wait for it to be completed and my photoshoot!!!!!!!!! and the only thing which scares me now, is not the pain, but the itching part during it's healing and peelling thingy!!!!

"oh ya~ last nite, my very close fren actually sid something which kinda pissed me off.. even though she always says she knows me better than my other frens #1, she coundnt remember i'm allergic to prawn #2, she claims she knows my temper well, yet is constantly testing me #3, she said something about me being a very materailistic gal, hinting i ONLY go for guy wif $$, or wif looks, ONLY....=.= yea rite..she claim she knows me, yet passes tat kinda judgemental remarks..thx ah~" wad i posted on fb juz now.......when i got home damn tired, and dun wish to blog or post this post yet........... ppl dun need to read my blog everyday to noe who i'm darn close to now....guess ppl juz need to read my prev post, and they'll noe who i'm talking about.... 1st thing which pissed me off was tat a console was stolen at the shop she working at, WHILE her fren was working last nite.....even though she keeps complaining how she dun like tat fren of hers, she still says she wanna rush to the shop accompany her.... and the best part was, tat was NOT the 1st time a gaming console got stolen...the 1st time happened when i was working there....and wad she did then, NOTHING!!!! everything i have to settle myself, though there were 3 person working, she and the other gal simply hid somewhere thruout the whole police questioning thingy..... NOW, she says she's worried about the other gal..... sigh~ think should go eat 1st.......damn hungry liao lah!!!!!

Do you believe in luck?

yea i guess~~

Ask me anything~

If you could change your name, what would you change it to?

Kamikawa lavia kay!!!!!
cuz kamikawa is my hubby last name~~ ^^

Ask me anything~

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Ask me anything~ http://formspring.me/laviakay

LOL..
juz notice juz how weak i am...
dispite everything he did and said to me in the past cuz of his gf, i was really touched when he really came down to look for me.....chiong bike down somemore!!
and cuz i keep asying i wanna ride on his bike, he took the long way while sending me back home~~~~~

but i keep reminding myself to let go
he will NOT leave his gf for me, so no point...

lol...
i'm juz weak, thus i'll be wishing i'll dream of my hubby tonite~~

heheheeeee~~
i'm home~~~~~
didn't blog yesterday cuz went crash at my frens place~ thus didn't online at all...

juz now while waiting for time to come back hone (waiting for my mom to reach home after work) went woodlands waterfront wif shihui~~~~
and while waiting for time to pass, i mass spam many MANY ppl's phone wif sms~~~ ;p
lol...and think only got 50% ppl reply only..:(
but BUT hor, sms someone whom i damn long never contact le de...and HE REPLIED!!!
it appears he still remembers me!!!!
and oso, he'll be getting himself a gf soon!!!! ^^
soooo happy for him~ it's gd to noe he did move on...
i did consider if he still remain single, and still is waiting for me,think VERY high chance i'll accept him......
lucky he has moved on, but still cares for me, urging me to continue further my studies, wishing me to have a successful future~

hope my fren will find my keys in her house.....
ok~
i wanna go shower soon liao~~ ^^

buzy buzy BUZY!!!!!
even though my job now is only frm 10-7, but somehow it felt more tiring!!?
hmmm...
guess it might be due to staring at the com for the whole day~~~~

and tat's y i ain't blogging tat often these days.....
but well~~
tat's life~

s.b. suay ah!!!!!!

.....
today simply juz isn't my day!!!!!!

took a cab frm yishun to woodlands in the morning, 9am, and the cab fare was $12!!!!
and the weird thing is tat mon after partyworld, i and 2 other ppl shared cab, and when i reached home, the fare was only $12.90, MIDNITE CHARGE INCLUDED!!!!!!
and mind u we went 2 other places b4 i reached home......
so wad's wif the $12 cab fare when there wasn't even a 50% midnite charge!!?!

and juz now went to have dinner wif my fren at woodlands blk 111 coffee shop....guess wad~
$8 for a small plate of bee hoon..... .... .....-.-""""
when i went to double check, tat lady told me 1 plate $8, when my fren went to check, she told my fren i ordered 2 plates......WTF!!!!!!

damn suay today lah........
and now i feel like throwing up.....think tat bee hoon not clean, cuz my fren oso felt like wanna vomit after eating tat bee hoon.....

sigh~

i'm home frm work!!!!
yay~
have enough energy to blog about last nite's partyworld ktv thingy~~

it was a RELLY last min thing, actually wanted to go home after work, but due to the HEAVY downpour, i'm stuck...
and since my fren who's working wif me wanna go sing k, she ask me to join her since i'm stuck there anyways~
didn't "order" any songs, except for my usual "one nite in BeiJing" by Shin...
(and i didn't really enjoy singing my fav song, cuz the sound system sucks to the max)

and ppl who went ktv wif me b4 knows i sing those "noisy" songs, if not than english songs....i dun do mando-pop tat much...so wadeva songs they chose, if i know, i'll juz sing along....
Guess Wad~?
i can sing 80% of the songs they chose last nite!! ^^

oh ya...one bad thing happened which spoilt everyone's mood though......
one of thier staff told us the price is $8.80++ per pax, when it's actually $15.80 per pax....
and tat staff who told us the wrong price die die say he did not give us the wrong info....
and b4 the wrong info thingy, the room they gave us kinda sucks...
sound system is bad, giving us those super sharp and irritating noises every now and then..
the sensor for the controller which we use to chose songs not sensitive enough..song menu lag till it hang for awhile actually.......(hmmmmm...think tat's not 'one thing', but ALOT)

but ya~
overall we had fun lah~~
it's like a room full of jokers, we try to make the best of it since we already paid for the room....
really enjoy myself this time round~
everyone's friendly~ everyone's nice~~
one of the best ktv exp i've had soooo far...
(think can say it's the only time i enjoyed myself...the rest of the ktv trips i went wif my other frens were either bad, or stressfull......)

oh yeah~!!!
my anime loaded halfway already!!!
bye~~~
have LOTS to catch up on anime!!!!
it's almost 1 wk since i watched my last anime!!!!!!!

ja ne~

went partyworld wif frens after wrk juz now....
SANG FOR 6 HOURS!!!!!!!!
i'm sooo omg tired now....
so...yea~
blog later~~~~
now is time for bed!!!!!!
^^

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Ask me anything~ http://www.formspring.me/laviakay

weee~~
goin to view house again~~
... ... ...
but today think it's gonna be a wasted trip...cuz will be viewing malay and indian ppl's houses....=.=

juz go and see see, look look...who noes might have surprise whereby got one we like~?
o.O

hmmmm...

Weeeee~~~
SG GONNA SNOW SOON!!!!!!!!!!
cuz i'm sooooooo gonna have food phobia if i continue to eat like this......:(((((

tml's the day~!!!!!
gonna do goth tml...
juz dunno wad type of goth yet....

goin to sleep liao!!!!!!!!!!!

it's fri finally~
and sat's the day!!!!!!!

i'll juz be goin to support jrock, and local jrock bands....not him...
but yah~ it wont make any diff anyways....
he wouldn't even noe if i went or not...and i'm not gonna standout among those many cosplayer and audience there.....
and i most likely have to rush to my event after tat (but if the band performance ends ard 9pm, then no point rushing down liao lah)......

ok...gotta go~
oyasumi~~ ^-^

win liao....
my fren asked him "Briefly describe the appearance of the person you currently like or has a crush on~ HOHO♥ >DDD"
he reply "I don't have any :\"

ok lor......
suan liao lor.....

在地震后 狗的感人举动

a tale of mari and the three puppies..
i'm soooo gonna watch this!!!!!

dun care i'f i'm gonna cry till my eye swollen...
I WANNA WATCH!!!!!!!!!

ビーチボーイズ OST: Sing a Love Song

<3 <3 <3 this song!!!!

BRAIN LAG!!!!!!!!!

yes....my brain is lagging like never b4!!!!!!!
feed wif TOOOOOOOOOoooooo much info till my left brain hurts like hell... ... ....
but it should be slowly absorbing those info INTO it's memory card (hope not dumping it somewhere somewhere along wif some useless info....cuz these which juz came in ARE IMPORTENT!!)

*pardon me if there ALOT more spelling/typo error.........ya... .... .....forgot wad i'm gonna say next*

so yea~
juz got home frm work actually........... .........think gonna shower 1st than see how...
if brain still lag like hell, mayb goin bed early....

today i'll be early for work~!!!!
\m/
cuz mom already done cooking~
i juz need to pack the food, get changed, can go loh~~~~ ^^

haha...(tonite will be energy lvl Zero again...=.= have been feeling VERY tired after work these few days)

WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA......
i simply CANNOT quit the habit of not wasting food.......
even if foodhas gone bad, but still edible, i'll still eat.. .... ....
now having bad gastric pain....................=.=
cuz i juz had "sour porridge" for dinner.....

my new specs~~~~~~
look damn 'uncle' in this.........

still miss my red frame specs....

more comfortable wif tat pair than this...

working hours juz got adjusted (for me only~)
will be working frm 11am-8pm now~~
(cuz everytime wait for my mom to cook, end up damn late)
so yep~ now i dun have to stress my mom over me not being able to reach work on time...
but still....cannot let her wake up like today, which ended up in me reaching workplace 11.30
(and i have to stay till 8pm...cuz i wanted the adjustment to be in effect as of today)
thx to tat.....heard both boss talking about some top-secret stuff!!!!!! ^^
;p

LOL....
ok~
i go have my dinner now~~~~~ xp

my fren uploaded the photos on facebook already~!!!
think i've still got alot to improve on my jrock/visual kei look...
but it's ok i guess...score 45/100~ =.=

waiting for the rice to cook......than can pack and go to work (think today gonna reach ard 11am again...if my boss reach early again today, guess he's not gonna be happy.......)

yea...anything bah~

I'm HOME!!!!!!!!!!
^^
wasn't able to join them in the event..but on the brighter side, most ppl like my look~~ ^^
soooo...most likely gonna do it again on sat, should be goin down after the gig @ GRAND CATHAY~~

and nope~ i'm not performing, juz goin down to support local jrock bands~ ^^
ok lah~
very VERY tired liao...
goin to wash off tat tonnes of hair spray on my head now, and off to bed~

nitez~~
oyasumi~~~~~~

wooooo~~
saw a VERY gd looking agent juz now!!!
and like tat house very much as well~~ ^^
hope tat side would take up our offer~~!!

juz reached home..gotta go take a quick shower and rush to scape liao~~

juz got updated tat fb users have to seek kaname's promission 1st b4 sharing any of his vid, pic,and artwork etc etc....
guess it's kinda a copyright issue bah...
:(((

so i've removed the vid i shared on fb.....gotta respect his rights~

Kanama-Sama is fine!!!!!!!
BANSAI!~ \m/

seeing his interview made me felt better...
it's like, even though ppl might not think anything of it, but it really made me feel sooo much better...
ppl might not know this, but i'm kinda the type who dun like to da half-fuck job for things i like..(which is y i only started to cosplay recently, even though not full-fledge cosplayer yet)
and another reason y i didn't go for last nite event was tat.. ...i kinda feel i'm not really cosplaying anything there...i'm not even doin lolita....and it kinda feels like i'm cosfuck-ing there....which i dun like...
another thing is tat, i kinda dunno y i'm there anymore...it's not as if i've all the time in the world wif nothing better to do tat's y i'm there.....but end up ppl dun appreciate u rushing down dispite u got other commitment......
i should ALWAYS remind myself, i'm not here to make frens, or cover anyone's ass....
i'm juz here to do wad i like, and have fun......

Weeee~~
goin off to bed~~~~
need rest, cuz feeling weird....
kinda like....gonna get fever kinda feeling...
ears blocked, jaw aching etc etc.........

OYASUMI~!!!!!!!

sigh~
really REALLY gotta buck-up and focus on my work....
cuz my mom's side pay become everymth can spend $60 only.... .....
sigh...
humans.... .....can never know wad they are thinking.......

watching wolf's rain anime now.....
to make myself feel less 'down'........
it's an old anime, but it's gd~!! (and got super gd looking wolf(s) to make it even better)

most likely i'm gonna be kinda j-punk tml, wif my lao gong dear dear kuro~~!!!!! ^^
will be depending on him as well...(hope he dun emo ignore me when i bring him out!!! cuz quite long never bring him out)
still wonderin wanna wear my wig or not for tml....
hmmmm....see how the look turns out then decide bah~~

WAH!!!!!
can die!!!!
tot delivery coming today, cuz ordered those stuff on thur nite.....
ended up they recieved orders on fri = deliver on mon....!!!!!!! =_=
sianz diao............

and best thing is....i totallly forgotten to check my phone...and my boss sms me ard 40min ago....
die liao die liao...this time i die liao......
next time order stuff at nite i'll Be SURE to check if they received it on the same day or the next....
dun wanna waste my time to wait, and wait, and then it's not coming.......

so even if now i go oso no use, spend ard 2 hour in office, but i dun have much paper work to clear....and how many phone calls can i make in 2 hour? (u must think ALOT rite, even if have to check data and stuff, but trust me....it's not as easy as We think)

boss juz replied, "next time inform me earlier".... .... .....SHIT!!!! i think he waited in the office for me lor!!!!!
die liao die liao Die Liao LAH!!!!!!!

yay~
suppose to be sitting in office, trying to hit my target now...
but still at home, waiting for stuff to be delivered........and if it comes ard 1130, than i go back office after tat like do wad lor!?
hmmmm...if really tat's the case...i go back can work for at most 3hour, than gotta rush to scape already.....

still got no idea wad to do for later's event.....got ppl wanna do neko, wanna borrow my tail....so i cant do neko today....if do Visual Kei, no proper thing to wear!!! ... .... .......mayb do Jrock instead.....or .. ... ...juz some casual characters bah......

i go slack while waiting.....die die canot nap....if not later really fell asleep.....

goin to bed now...
wondering if my kyo-sama and his band members (diru) are unhurt..
and all the members of other band (alice nine, girugamesh, an cafe..etc etc)
hope everyone's doin fine.......

Oyasumi!!

oh ya....i got my specs juz now..
... .....but no pic?
cuz something went wrong!!!!!

tat idiot gave me my specs wif the right lense degree unchanged...
my specs = left -050 right +250
told me it would be perfectly fine....yet i can't wear it for more than 10min..!!!!!!

and when i went back after my work has ended to request for the right lense to be changed... ...they ask me to pay extra $50-$100...=.=
i'm like "Wad!?"
and he said if not than u get another pair of specs.... ..... .......
WTF!!!!

told them juz change the right lense for me.....i'm not spending $250 for a pair of specs i can't wear!!
now become $300 liao........

since i'm down and bored.. ... .....
it time for... .. ..

YAOI ~ !!!!!!!!

...... ......... .......
nvm....i gotta get a life of my own......
wadeva anyone else is not my business....

and even in tat small office of 4 person.....it seems like politics still exsist............
sooooo speechless....
i'll juz do my job...gotta work extra hard.......harder than other ppl...
cuz i'm IT idiot, i'm born slow, handwriting not nice enough, typing speed not fast enough......not 'rude' enough.....

soooooo...yea~
i gotta work extra EXTRA hard....till i dun even have time to even think of anything else....till i wont think of him.....

yep yep~ new target! new aim!!

Fight ohhh~ OOHH~~!!

miku you, fxxk you 【Original song by Miku Motherfucking Hatsune】

it appears i have to hide some ppl's news feed frm appearing on my wall...
sigh.....
it's gonna be same shit, diff days....
been through it once, i noe i can pull through this time round as well....
even though most likely gonna end up same result as the past, it's for the better, i'm sure...

juz hope this time round, it dun end up to be both NEVER ever contact each other.......
but the future hold tooooo much unknown........

tired tired TIRED!!!!!
but only my eyes......my brain's being kinda active though........but cuz my eyes are tired, it's causing brain to lag..... .... ......i'm confusing myself!!!!!

ok nvm~
tml nite i'll be gettin my specs~~ $250 noe!!!!!!!!
but ok lah~ got one frame i LUV luv luv soooo very much.... .....juz the frame itself, $299 already!!!!!!! =((((

so i downgrade to frames under $200 ones.....
sooooooo gonna look like 'uncle'......

decided not to think toooo much.....
willllllll focus on hitting target at work instead.....

andd goin to bed now....
oyasumi~

sigh~

fight fight fight....
my bro hasn't changed even one tiny bit....

sigh~

everyone have their own problems......
i noe tat better than anyone else...
guess i'll have to stop all these.....cuz it feels like he's... ....should give him some time alone......
it seems he's very busy wif stuff....wif band, wif uni, etc etc.....

should start focusing on my job now....tell myself should let him focus on his band for now...
as for after his performence.... .....shall think of something else to prevent myself frm bugging him........

Gd MORNING~!!!!
OHAIYO minna~~!!!!!!!!

(hai hai~ i'm blogging super early in the morning!!!! and guess wad, i was awake since 7am!!)

trying hard to keep myself away frm the tempting call frm lala-land.....*shoo!! Go Away!!! stupid sleepy bug*
and my guess is tat i'm gonna be on auto pilot mode throughout work later~~=.=
juz hope noone gives my toooo much trouble later...
AND!!!! hopefully, i dun go into zombie mode (when i TOTALLY hate lights/bright places....totally burn my eyes)
soooo.....auto is juz fine to get by the day~~

ja ne~
gonna find something else to keep me awake while waiting for my mom to be done cooking...
yea~ sooo gonna be late...but mommy wants her god-daughter and god-grandson to eat more home cooked meals...
wich means i'll be working on sat morning as well~ (till she manage to finish cooking everything by latest 9.40am).....

LOL..tat bruise became THIS!!!!!!
guess no one can imagine go donate blood can result in this~

ok...i noe tat's lame...... .....

ARGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
he upload new photos!!!!!!!!
damn envy those frens of his!!!!!!
dunno y, but it seems like he dun like to take pic with me...(think ever since i knew him, even b4 i like him, he dun like to take pic wif me)

.... ..... ...........
arghhhh!!!!!
dun wanna think liao lah!!!!!

LOL..xDDD
baka is having cravings for macdonalds!!!!!
tot he had his mac yesterday already....but juz now saw he posted on his fb....
(wonder how can he eat soooo much and not get fat.....o.O)

sms him, no reply (not surprising).....
anyways...this sat i REALLY gotta go back office....got lots of catching up to do!!!!!!
as today didn't even hit half my target!!!! =(((

i wanna go nap for abit 1st.....
mayyyb will blog again later~
my brain seriously lagging rite now.....

ok bah~
i go bed liao......
baka back in sg oso not much diff = me damn saddddddd.....

oyasumi!!!!!

damn pissed off!!!!!
chatting wif fren on man now....
and she's talking about sun's cosplay event...
than alll my anger come back liao lor....=.=
than somemore baka ignoring me again........-.-""""

sigh~

dots......
now he's back liao....
but still the same lor.......=.=

sigh~
i dun even noe wad is it tat i like about tat baka!!!
juz.....like him lor....

mayb he's gonna kepp this up till i finally give up bah~

sigh~

hungry hungry HUNGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!
wad time can i have my dinner-turn-supper????? o.O
or mayb it's gonna be dinner-turn-supper-turn breakfast... ... .....=.=

ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!
y people have to do such stupid things....
u are the boss, u're NOT suppose to eat people's pay for no reason!!!!
and when i ask u how come u deduct $130 frm my pay, u dun tell me u dun noe anything...
if really so, i wonder if my EX manager is the boss, or u are the boss...

today soooooo tired already....still wanna push me here and there...
and some more, today home never cook....and lost my coin pouch (which has all my money inside) on sat....
= now broke, not ttm yet (still have $4 to last me till god knows when the money's gonna go in my bank)

sigh~
totally wasted the super gd mood i was in FOR THE ENTIRE DAY!!!!!
yes! even i was tired, i was in a very gd mood~
and all went down the drain when i saw my cheque and payslip.....=.=

HAPPY!!!!!!!!

sorry~
even though i said i'm goin off to bed....
BUT!!!
juz need to shout something out b4 i really can go Zzzzzzz...

I'M SOOOOOO HAPPPPY NOW!!!!!!!!
ok~
done~~
=p

gd nite~~
^-^

home~~~

yep yep~
i'm home!!!!!!
after orchard event, went LiveAMP studio wait for baka~~
it's like i wanna go surprise him actually (and i reach there like ard 10.30pm)...end up didn't surprise him at all lor....=.=
(mayb he knew i'll go look for him somehow bah..)

the cosplay at orchard thingy wasn't all tat fun today cuz somehow, EVERYONE left me and moses there alone!!!!! they all disappeared once we got there!!!!!!!
i mean like yea, both of us reached late, but it's not as if i went late on purpose....got things to do tat's y reached late mah.......
than need me to accompany ppl back home than call me, ask where am i...=.=

but it's all over now....at least i gotta see his face, like After Soooo Long!!!!!! (last time i saw him was 10th feb...go figure~)
and it felt like the band knows something which i dun...o.O

i said something like "u surprise or not~? i come here look for u~" or was it "u touched or not? i came straight after my event to find u noe"
and he replied something like "nope~ i see u everyday wad~~"
i'm like "where got everyday!?"
.... ..... and while we were waiting for our supper (very bad tasting fried rice) someone mention something aboout stalker...and kinda feels they're refering to him.... .......(and i'm sooo lost and was saying "huh?" most of the time...)

anyways~~
even though i waited for them outside for more than an hour, at least i get to hear him playing the keyboard~~
^^

and spending tat short while wif him really made my day!! dun have to be whole day long juz the 2 of us together.....being wif him and his frens, spending tat time together is enough to make me a very happy neko~~~

ok~
time to go sleep~~~~~
gotta work later~~
Oyasumi!!!! ^-^

later gonna go view house b4 goin for my cosplay thingy~~
so, gonna be abit late for scape....and......think i might be leaving abit earlier as well~~

okies~
goin off to bed!!!!

one day of cosplaying = ard 1-2kg of weight lost~~ = tired but happy me!!! ^^

oyasumi minna~~
gd nite everyone~~
da jia wan an lor~~

^-^

photos credited to a kind photog @ suntec~

waiting for more pic to be up by 'stage without border' side..

and oso for me to find my card reader..so tat i can upload pics frm my phone as well..^^

was trying to enjoy myself juz now..but ended up missing him...

it's juz tat i have so much memory of goin cosplay event wif him b4 i started cosplaying myself...

sooooo....akira became a source of idea~

RAPE AKIRA EVENT START~~!!!!!!

yep~

and tat kinda was how akira got bullied all the way frm suntec to orchard rd.....=p

heheheeeee......no one noes the real reason how it all started...everyone simply enjoying 'gang raping' him~~!!! xDDDDD

oyasumi~
gd nite~~

yep yep~
goin off too lala land soooon!!!!
can't wait to cosplay as gothic neko later!!!
tooooo bad have to go office 1st...=(((((

oh ya...i juz remembered i dreamt of tat baka few days back....
damn weird....mayb i really think of him wayyyy toooo much...mayb tat's y he's not replying on fb.....

anyways....gtg~~

徐婕兒~I wanna be with you

yes, it's a chinese song...
and YES, it's a chinese love song....
(ppl who noe me noe i DONOT like to listen to lovey dovey songs)
go figure y i'm listening to this.....

juz reach home..
and goin out again...(lucky i havent shower yet...if not lao san gotta wait damn long for me)

okies~
later than update bah~~

i'm in the office rite now....
feeling kinda odd...
it's like suddenly blur and lost...and i gotta actually go read my own blog and fb to remember wad's goin on for the past few days!!!!

think it's juz a mood swing...nothing serious...(ya i noe...one hell of a crazy mood swing)
but ya.....
i'm ok now...

ok ok...
shall blog the rest later..gotta go work now~

my guess is he must hate me now...
dun noe y...
juz got a feeling.....

so be it bah...let him hate me...
let every single person hate me...
let things return to how it used to be.....
and mayb i can return to how i was b4 i knew how much loving someone can hurt....
return to the me who lived w/o a care, cold and heartless (towards ppl only)..

animals are my only frens....
mayb the void deck could have more stray cats...
whenever i see a cat or dog (or some other animals), i feel slightly better.....

nothing can distract me FOREVER......
there will still be times when my brain starts to wonder off into thoughts it should not be thinking of....
and there's nothing i can do about it, let alone another person.....

stay away frm fb (log in to play games only) might be the better choice to make....
once i stop posting stuff on fb long enough......ppl will start to forget me......
they might even not remember they actually knew me....

juz like stereo....ppl who were once the CLOSEST to me, now seems to have totally forgotten clean about me.....juz like sch days....ppl who were once sooo close, so gd to me...now are soooo busy wif their new life, it kinda seems i'm being forgotten as well......juz like my family, even though we see each other like almost every single day.........NOONE even notice anything....

wad else can i say....

"the world holds not a future for those who are dead.
the world welcomes not the dead who roams amongs the living.
the world accept not those who have to be dead within, to live among the living.
the world remembers not those who once lived, but died, yet are still among them.
the world knows not that i live, while being dead, for i never existed in the 1st place."

I WANT MY RAGE BACK!!!
I WANT MY ANGER BACK!!!!!!
I WANT MY HATRED BACK!!!!!!
I WANT ALL OF THOSE I ONCE WERE BACK!!!!!!

hate myself now..
hate the me which is weak..
hate the me which need ppl ard..

how close are my close frens actually??
how long are they gonna be there..???
even the closest fren of mine now...is she always there??
hate the me now who place frens b4 my very self....
tat's the very reason y i fell into depression back in those days....
and now i'm repeating the cycle....................

where are those people when i need them..!?

juz watched "fairy tail" ep68..
(didn't really have time to watch due to work + bad connection when i reach home..)

this ep manage to made me cry 'again'..
(anime and movies have the power to make me cry like, almost always...but not reality..people rarely make me cry.......unless it's someone i care...or like....u noe wad i mean)

and kinda felt better for awhile after watching the anime, and a youtube vid on "mole" ~ LOL..xDDDD

guess everything's fine..since he's posting stuff on his fb again...(even though i do not know a single word he posted, but i guess he's fine)...

my lao san side, tat guy replied her already....it appears she did think tooo much....
"Yay! I reali nid stop anyhw tink cos he is always there nvr gone"
guess everything's goin fine again over on her side...

she keep asking me dun emo....
how can i!?
it's not as if she do not my situation now...it's alot worst than hers.....

mayb......juz mayb......i should avoid him again....
since i'll never be the one he misses...
he says i'm juz a fren....
ya...a fren who he like almost wont contact if i didn't contact him 1st......

i'm scared...if i avoid him again.....i might lose him forever.....
but how can i keep on goin like this when it's hurting me more and more..??
i'm not strong, not as strong as ppl think i am....
juz bcuz i LOOK like i can handle wadeva the world throws at me, doesn't mean EVERYONE must play their part in making my life harder...

i miss my great wall which kept EVERYONE out...
i miss those days when being alone doesn't bother me at all...
i miss not needing anyone other than myself...
i miss the me who do not know love, or the pain which follows...
i miss everything i ever WERE....

y do ppl keep thinking i dun need anyone whom i can rely on!?
i really dun get tat at all.........
it seems not many ppl treat me like i'm a gal....
actually..not many ppl treat me like a human being....

sigh....
i want not the whole world, but to be wif the one i love, my world, is enough to make me smile..
sigh...guess tat alone is a damn impossible thing..

Day 2~ my arm is looking like this~~


and yes, i'm bored like hell...

stupid internet.....
keep on having problems.....
STOP GIVING ME PROBLEMS!!!!!!!
i wanna hit my target....=(((

miss him miss him miss him miss him miss him miss him miss him miss him miss him miss him miss him miss him miss him

should stop doin this.....
start focusing on he's not here in sg...i might feel better.....and hope i dun go wondering off into Qs like wad happen, y went back so sudden and stuff...........

swollen and bruised.........
cool eh~
=.=
think they should keep to my mid vines for blood...
my vines and vessels likes to run alot = they dun stay in the same spot for long...

suddenly disappearing like this....
wad's wrong wif him!!?

i'm not pissed off..SERIOUS!!!!
i'm worried....i'm scared.....
yes i noe he likes to annoy me ALOT!!!! (even though he keep saying he doesn't)
but making me scared like this.....

i dunno wad happened to him
i dunno wad he's thinking
i dunno ANYTHING about him actually....
(such a failure...i say i like him, but dunno anything about him...cool or wad =.=)

i dun like to fall in love on a whim....i dun wanna relationship which will only be a fling...
thus, i dun 'like' ppl tat easily....
for despite my looks, i'm not a flirt.....
when i like someone, i stay faithful and loyal...
(guess tat's y i dun get the guys i like, cuz i'm too easy to get?? try getting me when i'm no longer interested)

like i once said, I DUN PLAY HARD-TO-GET!!!!!
it's either u get me, or u'll NEVER get me......
mayb i need a straight FACE-TO-FACE rejection for me to really wake me up......

baka m.i.a !!!!!!!!
cannot reach him on his phone...
he's not active on his fb....
le alone formspring!!!!!

WTF is GOIN ON!!!!!!??
i'm not pissed off!! (ok, mayb yes, a little)
but i'm more worried than anything else!!!!

juz msg him on fb....
hope he reply soon.....
seriously....super worried!!!

and i spent few hours emo-ing wif my lao san juz now...
seems like we're in quite a similar situation...

think i end post here....
feeling damn tired and sick now....kinda like wanna vomit, tat kinda feeling...
wonder if it's cuz i worried toooo much...
or it's cuz i'm not feeling well...

sms sent.... ....
but......not delivered...o.O
hmmmmmmm......

nvm........