Seems to me that everyone around me is in good hands, finally.

When will it be my turn? When will he finally make true to his promise?
Am going to Japan next year, so don't think he'll come anytime before my trip though...

Friend told me to stop cursing myself, but if cursing helps, I would long be dead and reunited with he whom I've been longing for.
No self harm, no self inflicted death... guess that means other then dying a natural death, accidents and death by black magic are also under his ruling? But for some reason, it seems that he has taken measures to assure that at least the death by black magic part will not happen....

oh well, just another day of living to deal with, another day of waking up disappointed that he has yet to come for me....

Sometimes it's best to not see those that aren't intended to be known, let whatever is hidden behind the veil remain hidden, among the darkness, unseen by most.
Ever repeating cycle, same old thing happening over and over and over again, never ending, ever changing. Till when will this wheel finally stop turning? Till when will it finally fall?
With turmoil and paranoia boiling deep within, only the smile that hides it all remain the same.

When will it be too much? Too far? When will it be considered beyond salvation?
Though salvation isn't what she seek, instead, it's something beyond that that she's trying to reach.
For when one willingly falls into insanity, that being the only lifeline, the only way she has, to cling onto whatever sanity she has left, is when one realized she truly has no one, no ally, no friend, in this world of the living. It is when she sees the truth for what it is, that she is meant to be alone for all eternity.

Embraced by darkness so pure, not a hint of light can pierce through, she won't even have her shadow to comfort her.
Embraced by darkness so tainted and twisted, she no longer tremble in fear, for she has long forgotten what "light" is, nor does she remembers what "hope" feels like anymore.

At times, I really think I should be more greedy, expect more from others, expect much more from the world. Maybe, just maybe, then I will no longer be alone.

But than what it would means is that I would have to make an effort to EXPECT something from people, which will be too troublesome actually.

...

...

3 more years to go... Hopefully death will finally take my hand then...
If he would bring forward the promised date, the sooner the better it would be..