finally~
mon, which is tml, i'm gonna go get my colours done...even though not possible to finish EVERYthing in juz 1 day, but still, it's something..^^
but after tml's session, i may stop for ard 3mth b4 continuing it, as i need to save up for something else..;p
haha..XD

*sigh* ..... actually gonna do the colour for my tattoo later this afternoon... but it got postponed to next week cuz he's very sick (which i only found out on facebook, he didn't wanna tell me..-.-'")...
it's like this mth is really not my "tattoo" mth.... last week i'm suppose to get it done, but i was sick.. than this week, but he got sick....... i'm upset that i can't get it done, but more than that, like more upset y he can't even tell me that he wasn't feeling well...... and why he have to apologize so much for having to cancel the appointment.. it's not like it was canceled for no reason or that he forgot about my appointment and made other arrangements on the day itself.... *sigh*........ hope i'm not liking him as much as i do in the past..... for it HAS to fade........ in order for me to move on..... and not cause him trouble......... even though i still feels like he more or less have some feelings for me, if not he wouldn't say that he don't wanna lose me, that's why it's best that we remain as frens....... *sigh*....... think enough here..... if not this is gonna turn into a very emo posting again....
may he get well soon, not becuz i like him, but becuz i wanna get my tattoo done....... yes.... for i am not kind, but selfish and cruel..... yes.... that's how i should be...... so that he can stop feeling bad..... and mayb, so can i........

updates!!!!!!! (eventhough like got nothing much)..;p

ok....1st of all..to all those who have been viewing my blog...sorry for not updating for soooo soooooo long..=p

and than here's something some of you might think it's a good news....(only for those who know of the "him" i've waited for so many years (not really so many la...juz more than 2 years only)..
it appears that he have always knew about how i felt for him (guess i sucks at hiding my feelings eh..) (awkward~) and we sorta are juz frens now....even though he says that he treats me like a very good fren.....but i guess we are those kind of super awkward close/good fren as even casual frens can go out together once in a while for a bite or drink or movie...u get wad i mean lah....but it's kinda impossible for him to go out with me....at least his reason is that he's busy....*sigh*......

recently i've been emo-ing to the MAX too....almost got myself killed....but that's a different story all together..since i'm updating this blog now means that i'm not dead yet.....for those who wish for that to happen....i'm sorry to break your heart as i'm still alive and kicking ass....<3

anyways....updated my poetry blog oso...even though it's juz 1 poem only (sorry, kinda tired mentally)...
will try to update soon.......all those who stood by me till now....i luv & thank ya'all....<3

it has been quite awhile since my last update..was feeling kinda depressed and siucidal..but it's all alrite now..i guess..anyways..juz feel like posting wad me and my mom ate @ NHON MURA tat sunday, 10 feb 2010..
basically we went to have japanese buffet (hi-tea) and juz the 2 of us (female) had these much food..
Salmon sashimi (3) x1
Maguro sashimi (3) x1
Aladdin Prawn (raw prawns) (2) x2
Ika sashimi (squid) (3 or 4) x1
Baby Tako (octopus) x1
Chuka Hotate (scallop) x1
Chuka Kurage (jellyfish) x1
Sashimi Salad x1
California Handroll x1
Tempura Unagi Handroll x1
Fried Tofu x1
Tori Karaage (chicken) x1
Tako Yaki (3) x1
Ebi Fried (prawn) (4) x1
Squid Leg Tempura (2) x2
Shisamo Karaage (2) x2
Shitake (2) x2
Chawanmushi x2
Miso Soup x2
Vanilla Ice-Cream x2
Hot Green Tea x4
Ice Lemon Tea x1

updates~!!!!!!!!!!

havent been bloggin for qute some time..
too tired frm work and other stuff..*sigh*....even though i know i shouldn't b tired frm work as i'm not doin much dere..but somehow..i'm startin to get mentally tire.. ... ...i'm weak...
.maybe it's cuz i've to interact wif ppl so very often..be it i'm in the mood or not..i've to put up a front sayin "i'm ok, dun worry" cuz MOST of the ppl there treats me really really nicely.....so i can't really b totally me..but rather..it's a place mostly for "neko".....tha cat they all so loved and pamper....the cat who will not get angry no matter wad..she'll cry whan she gets pissed off..(!?)
even if she's angry at some1..no1 can tell cuz she's juz too cute..-.-"'
only problem is tat she's a SUPER blur queen..so when ever closing time i'll mostlikely be the 1 takin over and gettin the job done instead of her (but she sometimes come out when i'm washin the rags in da toilet..so sweeet of her to insist to help)..and tat when all the drama mama happens..

it's juz soooooo strange tat me and nya-ko cannot co-exsist ard most ppl.....for once they've seen tst side of "me"..the "original me" will not be accepted..confusing..??
simple way of sayin it will b tat once they've seen the cute side of me..the original "shell of endless anger & fury" me is no longer acceptable..
*sad sad sad*

anyways..thanks to some1..i went to goggle the "Lavia" part of my name..and found out tat it's actually a place in Finnland..^^
hmmm...nice~
i kinda like the "Lavia Church" there..

outting wif frens on 14dec09, mon..^^

haha~
FINALLY get to meet wei cong in person after knowing him for 4-5 years..xD
*note: Wei Cong is a guy i know via sending mgs to the wrong number..best part was my fren's name was 'wei meng' and he was the 1 who gave me the wrong nunber...-.-*
it was kinda funny how fate can place some1 in your life juz like tat..it's like normally ppl would not bother wif those who sent mgs to their phone by mistake..but in this case..we kinda became quite close..as in he is the ONLY 1 who would entertain me when i call him up 3plus, 4 in the morning cuz i was feeling sad bout something stupid..and if he were to b awake, he would chat wif me for @ least 1hour..*p.s. our max was talked for more than 3hour..;p*
well..went to get stuff to make a xmas card..as he has NEVER done these kinda things b4, he didn't know wad to buy and such...too bad he had a fight wif his gf and wanted to do something to make her happy..
(wonder how would the card turn out to be like..or even..will he really make the card not..?? or will he juz buy a card thinking "aiyo..so troublesome to make..IT'S JUZ A CARD WAD..!! juz buy 1 nice nice 1 will do lah..")
><

and after tat went orchard to meet up wif dalif..my SDAM fren..^^
didn't really get the chance to talk to him during events as i'm like kinda new there and not many ppl know me and stuff..but it was nice to find out that he actually writes poetry too..xD
best part was tat it seems we had quite afew similarities..even had similar plans/vision for our poetry side..^^
1st we chatted in starbucks, located in ION while we enjoy our drinks..
than we decided to chat while walkin..so we did tat, and we walked to plaza sing there..
than he's like "so..u takin train or bus..??"
and i'm like "here got no bus back rite..???" "i know bugis got 960..^^"
he looks at the time (which was past 11pm already..!!)
suggested we take frm the bus stop opp CHIMES as it was nearest to us and we dun have to risk missing the last bus back..^^
and me being the stupid singaporean who didn't know much bout s'pore was like "oh~ they have a bus stop there..?! sure~ lets take bus frm there instead..^^"
and we took the same bus back..chatted more on the bus while on the way back too..xD
had a great time..xD

wad i did on 5 dec and 7 dec..;p

let's start frm sat, 5/12, the day after my bday and the day i get to have fun..;p
met 1 of my fren @ TCC, near plaza sing 1, and had a drink..(actually wanted to watch movie..but i can't wake up in time for the movie i wanna watch so end up never catch any movie..><)
went to House of Rock for a Bad Obsession gig after tat..was told tat i could get tix @ pre-sale price if i mention i'm the fren of so-&-so..but didn't lah..paid at-da-door price but it's ok..for i enjoyed myself over there, more so during the 1st band's performence..;p
down side to this gig was that the crowd's energy was FLAT...!!!!!!!!!!
wtf are they doin goin for a gig (ROCK GIG) to only glue their ass on the stools as soon as they got there..!?
even the groupies's energy was a flat line...-.-"'""""""
and another thing was, the venue kinda sucks..or should i say their bar sucks..$10 for a gls of plain water.... ...........i'm speechless........

and which after da gig,went Heart of Darkness..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@ NOVA..
there is where i had loads and loads of fun~
had quite alot of drink (considering the fact tat i should NOT b drinking AT ALL since i'm not feling well) .. ;p

oh ya..7 dec..;p

went M.A house in the early afternoon to have a look @ my mom's tattoo design and oso let him have a look @ the fabric he wanted..to see if it's the right type of fabric..
he looked sooooo much beta (somehow) like mayb now he's having enough sleep or something..
(ps..saw ALOT of love-bites all over his neck..so go figure wad tat "something" is lah..;p)
seriously thought that i would get insanely jelouse (cuz i wasn't feeling gd at all when i saw pics of him and her together quite awhile back..) but surprised to find that i'm not..(?!)
somehow, i'm juz glad that he's looking beta and (almost) glowing like how someone in love should be..hmmm..so do i still like him that much..??
or have i gotten over him..???????
and he suddenly says that he wants to do touch-ups for my tattoo (my matsu~^^) so ya..got inked tat day w/o gettin a new tattoo..(and i can almost see few of my frens go "wah lucky she didn't get another tattoo")..
and he noticed the bruise on my right arm and actually asked wad happened..!! (another surprise for me..!!)

so basically tat's it for da 2 days lah..the rest of ther days are juz normal beyond wad words can say..so no need to say anything..-.-""
;p

bday juz ard the corner..!!! ^^

havin fever past few days..and tat is something which will happen almost every yr ard my bday..last yr was the worst as i had the stupid fever on my bday itself...-.-""
but i'm feeling soooooooooo much better now..thanks to almost 24hr of sleep yesterday during my offday..;p (think got 18-20hr of sleep..=3 it's been soo long since i last slept tat much..^^)

hmmm...will finally be clubing for this yr's bday..HAHA..and wif Nicholas Matar as guest DJ in Stereolab..woohoo~(actually workin la..but anyways..hoping to enjoy myself during work nevertheless..;p)

and on the 5th i manage to request for leave..Heart of Darkness here i come~

mayb i should get some help..

saw some "souvenirs" on my hand and knew something real bad must have happened @ work juz now..and i must have made quite a number of ppl unhappy..
it's like every wed there's a curse of me being super hyper, which in turn meaning my subconscious will be at it's weakest moment..and which ever side of my will become more extreme when triggred..and during these times i'm beyond the control of myself..all there is to make sure none of me do anything too stupid and regret later is the mere subconscious of my own stubborn self..the one who won't allow myself to faint even after overdosing on 16 relaxant tablet..but i wonder for how much longer can it hold on, preventing the other me frm hurting myself or others too badly..
mayb i should seek help..before the other me starts to destory all those things which are dear to me in Stereo..like how it destory some other stuff which are dear to me in the past..there are lots of things which are not known by many, for even when i talked abut those stuff, it would b in a joking manner..for i know that for a fact noones gonna understand wadever i'm saying if i were to say it seriously..furthur more..they may even think somethng else..
well..lets hope that it's really nothing serious and tat it's juz all n my head..

day off 23/11/09..

hmmm..lets see..

met my facebook fren, spidey, for the 1st time @ cineleisure ard noon for lunch and movie wif his frens..watch Neon Eva 2.0: you can (not) advance..!!!!
it was FUCKING GD lah..!!! xD (pardon my lingual)
can't wait for the 3rd movie to be released..^^

went bugis, bali lane to my fren's shop..alice 88th..and OMFG, she got quit afew new dolls on display..and they all look AWSOME~!!!!!
how i wish to have my very own dollfie..(hint hint, and my bday's comin very soon*;p)
spent the rest of my day ther chating wif her and her dolls..only to reach home @ 33min past midnite..;p

might b goin there again later to be her shop model..haha..that's the only place i can sorta be a model..and think she's the only one who will allow me to do as i please (sorta, in a way..;p)
haha..didn't take any pics juz now..><
but than again..i'm thinking of gettin a video camcorder..wouldn't it be beta if i had videos instead of only photos..??
xD....

attanded a funeral, missed AFA..

*sigh*..have been looking forward to AFA for sooooooo loonnnggggggg..and for wad..end up i missed it..but it ok i guess..at least the funeral i attended didn't have those freaking hypocrites..
it juz so saddens me that those who are gd and nice are always the ones to die early..
(or maybe it's cuz we dun wan them to leave us soo soon, thus it seems it's too early for them to leave us like this..)

but wad i heard was that he went w/o any regrets...which is a gd thing (rite..?) cuz he was a gd guy nevertheleast..okies..gtg now..haven't had any sleep since i got home on sunday morning...
thank goodness i have mon & tue to rest..^^

ja ne minna~
oyasumi nasai~^^

D.U.R.A.M.A..staring: drunk crazy ladies..;p

heehee..it's actually drama la..;p
anyways..slangs aside..it was quite a action nite @ work juz now..quite afew free drama to watch..but sad to say, (i'm not tryin to b racist or wad), but those drama which made me feel like slapping those stupid "lead actress" face are all of indian race..best part is that they are fucking demanding while not being he ones to spend a single cent..xxooxxoxoxo..juz can't understand how can people be so damn thicked-skinned..
xD
msg 'him' in the early afternoon regarding the changes needed to b done to the design.. sometimes he's juz simply cute la..think his brain not working properly during that time or that he has too much stuff to think about..but i'm juz happy enough that his msg tone has become more friendly, more like how he used to msg me in the past..^^
and not so distant, as if i'm only a customer..
really hope i still stand a chance to be with him..but i'll juz let things go as natural as possible..i'll try not to force anything to happen or push my luck too far..dun wanna end up lossing him again..

something i wanna do..

hmmmm..here's a very short wishlist for my birthday~^^
i want a laptop,
1) a silk kimono,
2) to lose 7kgs,
3) to get tattoo-ed,
4) to get pierced,
5) spend time wif my VERY GD frens,
6) to have fun and enjoy myself wif my frens,
7) to enjoy a very pleasent dinning exp wif family & frens,
8) to own a inu shiba, inu akita, neko(s) as pet(s),
9) to go on a half mth tour/visit to japan,
10) to take a shower wif the one i like, and wash/scrub his back for him..(!?)

HAhahahahah..ok..it's not like i wanna get ALL these by this yr's bday..this is more like wad i wanna do in the next few yrs to come..wif the 10th as the ultimate as it's the least likely to happen, not very possible for it to happen..
okie~that's all for now~ ja ne~^^

posted quite a number of my works on kaymatsu-soulpoetry..
most of them are writen awhlie back before i started my blog(s)..
ALL of those poems on facebook had been re-posted on soulpoetry and think i did edited afew of them (mostly spelling errors)..and also posted the japanese version of few of those..^^
have fun reading~

so many things to say..but dunno how to say them..

hi minna~ (hi everyone~;p)
long long time never update blog wor..not tat i've got nothing to update, juz tat i think i should cut down on the whining & complaining on my blog..so ya..having said tat guess more or less you noe during those days i've no updates most likely it's gonna b complains bout this and that..
bla bla bla..etc etc..

i still miss those times spent together wif m.a. but knew it's impossible for us to even b gd frens now..i'm glad tat he still share things regarding his tattoo biz wif me even now..even if tis juz cuz i'm his customer who did my tattoo there and will have more tattoo done wif him in future..

have plans to go Taiwan or japan in mid 2010..hope to save up enough to fly AND spend there..=3
honto ni..demo ne~ even if i manage to save enough it would only b enough for 1 person bah..since think i'll b the only 1 saving up..
LIKE TAT HOW TO BRING MY MOM ALONG OSO SIA~!!!
unless i save up more than half my pay frm next mth onwards..than mayb possible..shall try tat in dec see how..;p

past few day has been a little "weird" la..it's like my brain if functioning totally on it's own, wif los of ideas for this and that..best part is i can hardly catch wad it's thinking bout..but one thing's for sure..it juz seems like god has misplaced this wonderful brain into the wrong body of some sort..cuz this brain has lots of inspiration and ideas for lotsa things..but it juz can't find a way to express it..which s why sometimes i get these really weird headachs and stuff..and sometimes i'll juz stone not cuz i'm tired but cuz there're too many things going through my brains till it can't function properly for the period of time..

recently..it seems tat i'm been doin something like "visual poetry" thingy..(not sure it such a term even exists..;p)
it's juz poems, but it would b better if there are some pics or videos for the benefits of those who can't really visualise Anything juz by reading words and nothing else..

hmmmm......

anyways..gonna sleep soon..have to wake early to go buy cloth to make somethin to wear for AFA this wkends, 21-22 nov..yeah~..
=3
;p
^^
xD

something gd~xD

hmmmm..where should i start.. ... .....
well..got home frm work on tue, should say wed morning, 3 something in da morning..
as usual online for a while to play some games on fb and need to send some1 some1 an email..
so i was juz playin my game(s) on fb after i've sent the email when noticed tat some1 is online..
haha..i tot it would b gd if i inform him tat i've alreadi emailed him, but not sure if he's really there..i started off wi my Signature "hi hi..^^" thingy..
he did reply..and we chatted, though mostly it's regarding the "thingy" i emailed him..than suddenly he ask me if i'm free later..(there i was thinking "wah! wanna ask me out isit?" but then, it's me again who's thinking "sigh* impossible one lah" )..
turn out tat he wants to take pics of tattoos he has done lah so ask me to go his house like 7am..so tat i can go home and sleep after photos are taken..(but seriously i would've prefer to sleep there if he offer me..;p)
went his house, chatted for awhile..(even though there're lots of silent moments here and there)..it feels juz like when we 1st known each other, as if time has turn back it's hand and return us to the past..except now he has lost alot of weight..
while i was there..there are soooo many thing i wanted to tell him, sooo many

updates updates..

soooooo long never update my blog..but lucky no need to say sorry to anyone cuz zero views for tat period of time..;p

dunno y but juz seem to be wanting more rest recently..think cuz wasn't feeling well..it's like so freaky that i puke again juz 2days ago..but nothing but gas and acid came out..but thank goodness it's so much better now..(tat's y got energy to blog today..;p)

hmmmmmmmm........... ........like nothing much to date oso..except the pink goblins running ard are now gone..only tat the clouds still looks quite tasty sometimes..

can't belive i manage to survive work (which was quite busy for the past few days) w/o messing thing up too much, with my brain being stuck..(someone even told me i look like i'm on drugs as i was stoning way too much...-.-)

HAHAHAHAH..mon off day..wonder if gonna go out wif anyone..;p
it's like suddenly dun like to be alone on my off days..which is not vry gd cuz normally tat's how i've to spend my off..anyways..gonna go off to work soon...
ja mata~ =3

hyper hyper~

last nite i went into hyper mode again..both hyper neko & hyper inu mode..;p
can't even stand still for 1min..but at least no runway walk in stereo last nite.....ok..mayb there was..but only a little tiny bitsy..XD
was being called into manager's office halfway..(!?)
and i tot it has something to do wif my over-active-ness..(haha..;p) but turn out to be something very gd..^^
it was regarding my confirmation in the company..and yes..i'm about to become a confirmed staff of stereo..BANZAI~! BANZAI~!
after coming out frm the office..totally went puppy mode (thank god for LOUD music in clubs, esp mine..;p)..some might have noticed (which i truely hope it's noone) tahat i was making all these weird noises, as if i was howling or something..which was wad i was doing actually, howling that is..dunno why, dunno when it started (frm wad i heard frm my mom, i was like this since i was very young) but sometimes i would juz start making all these sounds of cat or dogs..and one can actually tell my mood frm it if they heard it..which i try not to let anyone hear it ofcuz..
cuz though it's a known fact that i'm crazy, or juz not that normal for a normal person..or a pretty sane and normal person for a abnormal person..(?????)
*sigh*...brain not functioning well today..so i could only hope that i can get pass my day at work later w/o messing things up..;p
will update blog soon when my brain decided to wake frmthe dead..got so much so much to say..
but my brain is stuck somewhere where the goblins are pink and the skys are candy floss...=3

shaiya online..!!!!!!!!!!!! & kendo..=3

haha..started playing shaiya online on sunday (or should say monday morning ;p)..even though i've seen my cousin, neo, playing it like forever, now i'm still kinda lost..i dun even noe how to open the chat thingy..it sometimes pops up by itself (as i seriuosly dunno wad i did)..><
and i haven't played for 24h yet i've alreadi died twice..!!!!!!
*sigh* talk about noob..-,-

WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....
tue one more off day to go..than it's work & work till my next off..^^
suppose to meet lao san on tue, hopefully get to meet her this time..it's like sooooooo long since we last met..!!!!

oh ya..i started practicing Kendo on my own..and seriously..the footwork are alrite When Done On It's Own..but when i tried doing it with the bokken (wooden sword) it's a totally diff story..and i totally underestimated the action of swinging the sword..it's super diff frm swinging an anything else you can find in your house..but it was fun..trying to practice it while avoiding the ceiling fan and trying not to hit the ceiling or wall when swinging the sword..
can't wait till i get the han of it than i can move on to swinging a real katana..^^

went crazy @ work..;p

haha..wasn't very busy towards closing time..and for some reasons, i was being SUPER HYPER..!!!!! juz can't stand still for even a minute..so i've been walking ard, here and there quite alot..and before anyone knew it (including myself), i was jumping up and down, doing silly cay-walks, and dancing allover the place..even when the boss is sitting there..yes, i was still dancing..but not that much..;p
everyone was very much surprised as much as they were amused (i guess) when seeing me behaving the way i did..many thought i was crazy..and i did drive someone crazy with my hyper activeness..=3 to the extand that she has to address her concerns to the manager..*.*
but he was ok with it, lucky for me..;p but than i felt quite bad too..cuz while jumping ard like a tied-up lunatic in IMH, i didn't notice that my manager was behind me..(so.!?)
i ended up stepping on his foot..or rather..landed on his foot..
end of the day he was still ok with it..^^

i'm soooooo lucky to have a manager like H..:3