didnt go work....cuz seriously dun think i can do anything in my current state......
i'm simply fucked up rite now......juz wanna dig my eyeo out, or juz cut myself....i'm kinda banned frm doing those things......eventhough ppl say it's best to leave me alone, but at times like these, i'm dangerous if being left alone.....i need someone to be there beside me, dun have to say or do anything (actually it's best they be that way)...juz be by my side, at most hold me for abit, till my darkness fades away.....for i have the habit of putting up a brave front when ppl are ard.....even though i'm getting a little tired of acting strong and as if everything dun matter, when the fact is that iit's hurting like shit....
off my phone, for i do not want anyone to be calling and ask "what happened..??"
for that's something even i do not have the answer to, and being asked that would only make things worst...immune system down too.....for everything juz suddenly got worst when i'm already halfway through recovery....
oh ya....and there's another thing i do not wish to hear, not now, not in this state...
"pls take care..!"......it's words of concern, yes i know.....but those words oso send me on a guilt trip somewhere.....it's like i'm not very used to having ppl worry about me.....cuz ever since young, no one ever does.....except for him....but than again...he's not really a person, once were, but not anymore......and he's always there by my side....that's why i get better real soon, and my darkness dun last long......
now tat i need someone to be by my side, who can i call..!?
no one.........not a fucking person......everyone's busy wif something........and they do not have time to entertain my shits, yes i know......tat's y i dun even ask........tat's y i now only have me and my itoshii no tenshi, kurosaki, to help me rid my ego frm the abyss.........
beloved tenshi.....it would've been great if you were alive as a human, like me...if so, my search would've ended, and that my souls would've been more stable........
suddenly i feel so pathetic....this has become the ONLY place to pour my hearts out.....and the only reason for this is that cuz i only have very few ppl reading this......
well.....even if no one ever reads this at all...it's all fine by me....for it has really become my online personal dairy..-.-