my love's a buden, which bare's the weight of the world

wad do u do when u're madly (one-sided-ly) in love wif someone??
when u're behaving like everything u were not??

guess there's no answer to such Q, is there??

i'm usually loud, violent at time, not exactly the social type, thick skin (not shy), and not the type to joke ard.........
but when i'm ard him....somehow EVERYTHING is beyond my control......
mayb tat's wad's causing him to drift further and further frm me, even as a fren as well...
on top of this, he's busy wif sch and band stuff.........
guess when u really like someone, everything u thought u would be when u fall in love, doesn't come true....

i tot i would still be very cool, even when i fall in love wif someone..i wouldn't mind even if tat person have no time for me...
tot i would be as independent as i were....tat i wouldn't be a trouble/burden to him....
tot i would still be the hack-care me, whereby i won't be bothered by anything he does....

but everything i tot, i tot wrong.......
guess it's true...my love's a burden, which carries the weight of the world, enough to crush one into ashes........

bcuz of my past, bcuz of my character, it becomes hard for ppl to accept me, as lover.....
as a fren, i am still me, all of me....still independent, ppl sometime rely on me when they need someone's company..still sorta the "leader"....

but i lost all that now...
i tend to wanna fawn around him, (and trust me....i'm NOT the type to fawn normally, even my family and close frens dun usually see tat side of me)...like to get his attention...like to go where he wanna go, like to see him do wad he likes to do...

i becomes someone i never knew i could become...i've became more selfish, while being aware tat i'm not suppose to be....but i juz wan his attention, even once in awhile is fine if he's busy....

guess it's time to let go....b4 it becomes an obsession instead....and even remaining as frens becomes impposible.....

......... ....... ...........
suddenly thinks this post makes me seems like a psycho stalker or something similar.....=.=