help my fren filter out those logs he need to do on mon le~~~~ ^^
lols~
filter out those no need to do ones, so he can save the time of dbl checking~
but ifcuz not gonna do this all the time, only when i've time, i help him filter, (hope i'm not spoiling him by doin this)
ok~ time to go home~~
bye~~ ^^
Friday, September 30, 2011
fufufufufufuu~~ boss juz gave me my $100 advance~~!!!!!!!
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
(some ppl might think it's dunb to ask for advance of such small amount, and when the full pay is coming in another 2days time, but i dun care!!!!!! this 100 is for my wkend entertainment use~ ;p)
and it means mon no need towalk to work!!!!! but than again, these few days of walking made me realised something....taking bus to work is actually SLOWER half the time~ as i've walked to work since tue, tat makes it 4 days, and outta the 4, 2 of the days when i'm already reaching my workplace, i still dun see a single bus pass me by!!!
lols~
ok~ back to work back to work~
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
(some ppl might think it's dunb to ask for advance of such small amount, and when the full pay is coming in another 2days time, but i dun care!!!!!! this 100 is for my wkend entertainment use~ ;p)
and it means mon no need towalk to work!!!!! but than again, these few days of walking made me realised something....taking bus to work is actually SLOWER half the time~ as i've walked to work since tue, tat makes it 4 days, and outta the 4, 2 of the days when i'm already reaching my workplace, i still dun see a single bus pass me by!!!
lols~
ok~ back to work back to work~
kya
kyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!
y my brain not functioning well???
mayb i should've taken leave today.....rest more and rot at home, while waiting for the bug or virus to die off on its own~~
lols~
damn stone..=.=
y my brain not functioning well???
mayb i should've taken leave today.....rest more and rot at home, while waiting for the bug or virus to die off on its own~~
lols~
damn stone..=.=
幸せ～～～＾＾
and wondering if it's juz me, or has he became more attractive than b4?? o.O
hmmmm...
anyways, think he got something on today....sms me this morning saying that he's not coming... ...
kinda wanna reply him the sad face.. ..but...ended up replying 'it's ok ^^' instead.. ...he officially starts next mon, so, by right he dun have to come work today anyway......
even after telling myself that, i can't help but to feel slightly.. ...dunno is it sad, or disappointed, cuz i wont get to see him today.....i cant quite tell the diff between these 2 feelings now....=.=
mayb i'll feel better after i had my breakfast? ok, i'm off to hunt for stuff to eat~~
and wondering if it's juz me, or has he became more attractive than b4?? o.O
hmmmm...
anyways, think he got something on today....sms me this morning saying that he's not coming... ...
kinda wanna reply him the sad face.. ..but...ended up replying 'it's ok ^^' instead.. ...he officially starts next mon, so, by right he dun have to come work today anyway......
even after telling myself that, i can't help but to feel slightly.. ...dunno is it sad, or disappointed, cuz i wont get to see him today.....i cant quite tell the diff between these 2 feelings now....=.=
mayb i'll feel better after i had my breakfast? ok, i'm off to hunt for stuff to eat~~
Thursday, September 29, 2011
weee~~
he's coming office tml as well~~ (even though his official start day is on the 3rd Oct)
^^
i'll enjoy the gd times while they last....
there's a chance where he might end up hating me (dunno y, but it seems many ppl tend to hate me after they've worked wif me for sometime)....
and i noe it's gonna be REAL BAD for me, cuz it's like i like him, and i'm kinda trying not to like him so much, so now i'm gonna be working wif him, and get to spend more time wif him, making it even harder for me not to like him???
hmmm...sounds confusing...but ya, kinda like that....
ok~
gotta get my ass back to work~
my $100 on fri is at stake here!!!!!!
he's coming office tml as well~~ (even though his official start day is on the 3rd Oct)
^^
i'll enjoy the gd times while they last....
there's a chance where he might end up hating me (dunno y, but it seems many ppl tend to hate me after they've worked wif me for sometime)....
and i noe it's gonna be REAL BAD for me, cuz it's like i like him, and i'm kinda trying not to like him so much, so now i'm gonna be working wif him, and get to spend more time wif him, making it even harder for me not to like him???
hmmm...sounds confusing...but ya, kinda like that....
ok~
gotta get my ass back to work~
my $100 on fri is at stake here!!!!!!
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
weeee~~~~~
sat should be slaaking at home till dunno wad time~
sun go window shopping wif Joy~~
(and planing to ask boss for some $$ on fri, cuz he said on mon than give pay..QAQ)
well~
looking on the brighter side, i only have to walk to work for another 2 more day~~ xDDDDD
i'd better be goin home after this post, need more rest, kinda have the feeling that i'm gonna fall really sick if i dun rest well now....(have been sneezing non stop while on the way back last nite, and bump into a stupid stalker/hentai jiji, end up i've to make a small detour ard my neighbourhood b4 i can actually head home...=.=)
hope to complete that chinese short story soon.. ... ...but.. .... .....sigh~
ok, bye~~~
sat should be slaaking at home till dunno wad time~
sun go window shopping wif Joy~~
(and planing to ask boss for some $$ on fri, cuz he said on mon than give pay..QAQ)
well~
looking on the brighter side, i only have to walk to work for another 2 more day~~ xDDDDD
i'd better be goin home after this post, need more rest, kinda have the feeling that i'm gonna fall really sick if i dun rest well now....(have been sneezing non stop while on the way back last nite, and bump into a stupid stalker/hentai jiji, end up i've to make a small detour ard my neighbourhood b4 i can actually head home...=.=)
hope to complete that chinese short story soon.. ... ...but.. .... .....sigh~
ok, bye~~~
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
humph!
was thinking of asking my frens all go kbox this wkend...and saw his status as well...was thinking 'great~ he wants to go kbox as well~ ^^"
than juz now saw on his status.......he's asking other frens to go.....=.=
ok, i know he dun belong to me, and that he have every rights to go out wif his own frens.. ....but...i dunno y there's this SUPER unhappy feeling deep inside... ... ...=.=
sigh....and he seems to interact wif many many ppl on fb, on their wall, or wad they posted on his wall...jz not me.. .. ....
i should really find another guy to shift my attention to!!!!!!
it's like, i like him, but i noe i'm not suppose to....aiya.... .... .... ....fuck everything lah!!!!
humph..
was thinking of asking my frens all go kbox this wkend...and saw his status as well...was thinking 'great~ he wants to go kbox as well~ ^^"
than juz now saw on his status.......he's asking other frens to go.....=.=
ok, i know he dun belong to me, and that he have every rights to go out wif his own frens.. ....but...i dunno y there's this SUPER unhappy feeling deep inside... ... ...=.=
sigh....and he seems to interact wif many many ppl on fb, on their wall, or wad they posted on his wall...jz not me.. .. ....
i should really find another guy to shift my attention to!!!!!!
it's like, i like him, but i noe i'm not suppose to....aiya.... .... .... ....fuck everything lah!!!!
humph..
"A REAL Boyfriend/Husband." ♥
Just read this, it will make a difference.
If only everyone could see this and understand it.
♥ When she stares at your mouth
-Kiss her
♥ When she pushes you or hits you like a dummy cause she thinks shes stronger than you
-Grab her and don't let go
♥ When she starts cursing at you trying to act all tough
-Kiss her and tell her you love her
♥ When she's quiet
-Ask her whats wrong
♥ When she ignores you
-Give her your attention
♥ When she pulls away
-Pull her back
♥ When you see her at her worst
-Tell her she's beautiful
♥ When you see her start crying
-Just hold her and don't say a word
♥ When you see her walking
-Sneak up and hug her waist from behind
♥ When she's scared
-Protect her
♥ When she steals your favorite hoodie
-Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night
♥ When she teases you
-Tease her back and make her laugh
♥ When she doesn't answer for a long time
-Reassure her that everything is okay
♥ When she looks at you with doubt
-Back yourself up
♥ When she says that she loves you
-she really does more than you can understand
♥ When she grabs at your hands
-Hold her's and play with her fingers
♥ When she bumps into you
-Bump into her back and make her laugh
♥ When she tells you a secret
-Keep it safe and untold
♥ When she looks at you in your eyes
-dont look away until she does
♥ When she says it's over
-she still wants you to be hers
♥ When she reposts this bulletin
-she wants you to read it
♥ Stay on the phone with her even if she's not saying anything
♥ When she's mad
- hug her tight and don't let go
♥ When she says she's ok don't believe it, talk with her because 10 yrs later she'll remember you
♥ Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her
♥ Treat her like she's all that matters to you
♥ Stay up all night with her when she's sick
♥ Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think it's stupid
♥ Give her the world.
♥ Let her wear your clothes
♥ When she's bored and sad, hang out with her
♥ Let her know she's important.
♥ Kiss her in the pouring rain
a fren of mine posted this on her fb...it's really nice if a bf treats his gf this way~
i dun expect anyguy to be this gd, if he can do 1/3 of these, think that'll be nice enough~ ;p
but than again, who the hell would think i need these!? most guys (and gals) can never link me together with those kinda gals who wants these frm their bfs..... =.=
lols~ wad sad character i have....to tough till not much ppl really treats me like a gal....QAQ
Just read this, it will make a difference.
If only everyone could see this and understand it.
♥ When she stares at your mouth
-Kiss her
♥ When she pushes you or hits you like a dummy cause she thinks shes stronger than you
-Grab her and don't let go
♥ When she starts cursing at you trying to act all tough
-Kiss her and tell her you love her
♥ When she's quiet
-Ask her whats wrong
♥ When she ignores you
-Give her your attention
♥ When she pulls away
-Pull her back
♥ When you see her at her worst
-Tell her she's beautiful
♥ When you see her start crying
-Just hold her and don't say a word
♥ When you see her walking
-Sneak up and hug her waist from behind
♥ When she's scared
-Protect her
♥ When she steals your favorite hoodie
-Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night
♥ When she teases you
-Tease her back and make her laugh
♥ When she doesn't answer for a long time
-Reassure her that everything is okay
♥ When she looks at you with doubt
-Back yourself up
♥ When she says that she loves you
-she really does more than you can understand
♥ When she grabs at your hands
-Hold her's and play with her fingers
♥ When she bumps into you
-Bump into her back and make her laugh
♥ When she tells you a secret
-Keep it safe and untold
♥ When she looks at you in your eyes
-dont look away until she does
♥ When she says it's over
-she still wants you to be hers
♥ When she reposts this bulletin
-she wants you to read it
♥ Stay on the phone with her even if she's not saying anything
♥ When she's mad
- hug her tight and don't let go
♥ When she says she's ok don't believe it, talk with her because 10 yrs later she'll remember you
♥ Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her
♥ Treat her like she's all that matters to you
♥ Stay up all night with her when she's sick
♥ Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think it's stupid
♥ Give her the world.
♥ Let her wear your clothes
♥ When she's bored and sad, hang out with her
♥ Let her know she's important.
♥ Kiss her in the pouring rain
a fren of mine posted this on her fb...it's really nice if a bf treats his gf this way~
i dun expect anyguy to be this gd, if he can do 1/3 of these, think that'll be nice enough~ ;p
but than again, who the hell would think i need these!? most guys (and gals) can never link me together with those kinda gals who wants these frm their bfs..... =.=
lols~ wad sad character i have....to tough till not much ppl really treats me like a gal....QAQ
Monday, September 26, 2011
weeee~~
i'm still in the office!!!!!
did like 35 logs today (not really did all of them, most were juz updating the data logs)
and have like 60 more to go....and my boss's boss is goin on a holiday on thur = wed will be the last day for updating the logs, after which, need to wait till sometime next week...
juz 2 more logs and i'm gonna head home~~ ^^
i'm still in the office!!!!!
did like 35 logs today (not really did all of them, most were juz updating the data logs)
and have like 60 more to go....and my boss's boss is goin on a holiday on thur = wed will be the last day for updating the logs, after which, need to wait till sometime next week...
juz 2 more logs and i'm gonna head home~~ ^^
Friday, September 23, 2011
sigh~
can't overnite in office to finish up....stupid internet.....
after i've cooked my dinner, and enough food to last me till past 11pm, now i'm SUPER full....=.=
and still not sure how things are gonna go, but boss says he'll contact her next week, to ask wad she wan....
so i should leave it up to him than~
1st i can't be too bothered about wad my family does, now it's her turn...the $170 i'll juz let go, and next time she say no money wan me to buy food for her, i'm not gonna do it......wad for treat her so well, end up she say i wanna kick her out of the company so that my other fren can come in!?
seriously....
can't overnite in office to finish up....stupid internet.....
after i've cooked my dinner, and enough food to last me till past 11pm, now i'm SUPER full....=.=
and still not sure how things are gonna go, but boss says he'll contact her next week, to ask wad she wan....
so i should leave it up to him than~
1st i can't be too bothered about wad my family does, now it's her turn...the $170 i'll juz let go, and next time she say no money wan me to buy food for her, i'm not gonna do it......wad for treat her so well, end up she say i wanna kick her out of the company so that my other fren can come in!?
seriously....
there're lots of stuff to be done today..y.?
cuztoday got access to the sys!!!! so i need to update all those 100++ data logs..=.=
and.. ...sigh~
nvm, shall save it for later than blog....
ARGH!!!!!! hate the way my body function....the need to constantly munch on something while i need to focus is VERY IRRITATING!!!!!!
oh ya, juz in case u're wondering y am i blogging while i'm suppose to be that busy, well, cuz i NEED to munch, to took a slight break....LOLS!!!!
ok...gotta get back to work soon....
tonite's gonna be another nite spent in the office~~ (not like anyone care~) ;p
cuztoday got access to the sys!!!! so i need to update all those 100++ data logs..=.=
and.. ...sigh~
nvm, shall save it for later than blog....
ARGH!!!!!! hate the way my body function....the need to constantly munch on something while i need to focus is VERY IRRITATING!!!!!!
oh ya, juz in case u're wondering y am i blogging while i'm suppose to be that busy, well, cuz i NEED to munch, to took a slight break....LOLS!!!!
ok...gotta get back to work soon....
tonite's gonna be another nite spent in the office~~ (not like anyone care~) ;p
Thursday, September 22, 2011
sigh~
so bored~~~~
anyways, boss asked me to have a talk wif my fren, the one who's suppose to be working at home, but pull lots of stunt to skip work recently... ....if she really dun have the heart to work, than he can release her earlier, as in, she dun have to work till mid of oct...and the other fren of mine can start work on oct straight.. ...but i dun really know how to talk to her about this..sigh..it's like...i know she can't work outside now (due to she have to look after her baby at home) but we can let her do things as she like as well...i mean, where can u find a boss who actually gives in till he allow his stuff to work frm home, and even though the stuff haven't been doin her job as told, he still close one eye ??
ok, on the other note~
at least he's still replying me...so....guess he didn't read all those things?? o.O
hmmm....i dun dare to think too much.....even my very own family can treat me this way now....so, i should stop dreaming....
it's like i'm 22 this yr, it's time to wake up...happy family only happens for others, not for me...life's a bitch, let's face it~~
so bored~~~~
anyways, boss asked me to have a talk wif my fren, the one who's suppose to be working at home, but pull lots of stunt to skip work recently... ....if she really dun have the heart to work, than he can release her earlier, as in, she dun have to work till mid of oct...and the other fren of mine can start work on oct straight.. ...but i dun really know how to talk to her about this..sigh..it's like...i know she can't work outside now (due to she have to look after her baby at home) but we can let her do things as she like as well...i mean, where can u find a boss who actually gives in till he allow his stuff to work frm home, and even though the stuff haven't been doin her job as told, he still close one eye ??
ok, on the other note~
at least he's still replying me...so....guess he didn't read all those things?? o.O
hmmm....i dun dare to think too much.....even my very own family can treat me this way now....so, i should stop dreaming....
it's like i'm 22 this yr, it's time to wake up...happy family only happens for others, not for me...life's a bitch, let's face it~~
sigh~
seeing how a fren bad mouth about another fren on fb (and how his cosplay family all join in) really saddens me...yasa has been treating them all quite well (at least frm my point of view) end up that wad he got...
sigh~
damn hungry....later gonna go find my fren for lunch..
no energy yo post long long grand mama story today..so, i'll end it here (for now)..
mayb later after work will continue~
seeing how a fren bad mouth about another fren on fb (and how his cosplay family all join in) really saddens me...yasa has been treating them all quite well (at least frm my point of view) end up that wad he got...
sigh~
damn hungry....later gonna go find my fren for lunch..
no energy yo post long long grand mama story today..so, i'll end it here (for now)..
mayb later after work will continue~
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
short attention span is NOT GD for writting!!!!
only manage to update.. ...1 sentance or the chinese short story thingy...=.=
and hungry as well!!!
damn.....wondering if i've to starve for tonite as well?? i've gotten sick of eating mooncakes for dinner at home...so tonite if still nothing for me to eat, i'll eat air than~~
ok~
think my Kamisama Dolls done loading by now~~
after watching it, i'll head back to that house~~ ^^
only manage to update.. ...1 sentance or the chinese short story thingy...=.=
and hungry as well!!!
damn.....wondering if i've to starve for tonite as well?? i've gotten sick of eating mooncakes for dinner at home...so tonite if still nothing for me to eat, i'll eat air than~~
ok~
think my Kamisama Dolls done loading by now~~
after watching it, i'll head back to that house~~ ^^
i'm having SUPER short attention span today!!!!!
(wondering if it has anything at all to do wif my periods...=.=)
sigh~
felt like made quite a number of calls for the day already.. ... ..but the truth is it's only less than 10 call... ....
oh well~
later after 6pm, got another round of calls to make!!
off to do my paper work~~ xDDDD
*hungry*
(wondering if it has anything at all to do wif my periods...=.=)
sigh~
felt like made quite a number of calls for the day already.. ... ..but the truth is it's only less than 10 call... ....
oh well~
later after 6pm, got another round of calls to make!!
off to do my paper work~~ xDDDD
*hungry*
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
my stomach SO PAIN!!!!!! gosh....stupid cramps.......now i normally dun even drink cold stuff that much, still like no diff...and i drank warm water today till sore throat and wanna puke already....still the same........
DAMN U!!!!!!!!
....... the only thing i wanna do for the whole day is juz to roll in my bed, not in the office making calls....=.=
DAMN U!!!!!!!!
....... the only thing i wanna do for the whole day is juz to roll in my bed, not in the office making calls....=.=
Monday, September 19, 2011
if he happens to read about wad happened to me in the past, guess that'll be the end...
my guess is that MOST guy will not take a gal wif a past such as mine, as their gf...
but than again, wad has happened has happened..nothing i do can ever undo those events...and if a guy wanna be my bf, or i hope this someone can become my bf, he have to love me for not only who i am now, but for who i was as well...if after finding out about my past, frens decided not to keep in contact wif me anymore, well..better now than later...
i'm tired of hidding those things frm ppl...tired of being scared one day ppl might find out..and they'll abandon me once they know those things happened..
but now, i dun care anymore.....ppl gotta accept me, all of me..if they expect to mingle ard wif a perfect human being, than too bad, i'm the sort whos less than imperfect....
hmmmmmm..ok, off to continue wif my anime!!!
my guess is that MOST guy will not take a gal wif a past such as mine, as their gf...
but than again, wad has happened has happened..nothing i do can ever undo those events...and if a guy wanna be my bf, or i hope this someone can become my bf, he have to love me for not only who i am now, but for who i was as well...if after finding out about my past, frens decided not to keep in contact wif me anymore, well..better now than later...
i'm tired of hidding those things frm ppl...tired of being scared one day ppl might find out..and they'll abandon me once they know those things happened..
but now, i dun care anymore.....ppl gotta accept me, all of me..if they expect to mingle ard wif a perfect human being, than too bad, i'm the sort whos less than imperfect....
hmmmmmm..ok, off to continue wif my anime!!!
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Friday, September 16, 2011
Thursday, September 15, 2011
weeee~~
did some thinking by the sea last nite...and neko-chan finally made up her mind...if long long looong time ago, she let me be the one interacting wif those humans, she wouldn't get hurt so deep by those she trusted....
since she had seperate herself into different individuals, she should've juz gone into slummber....and moi take over....juz hope noone will ever convince her to do such a stupid thing again....she's the main soul, we're juz subs, in order for her to retain her kindness, the mean and evil are being split out...moi, being one of them, have the right to force her back inside...glad that at least now she's doin it on her own~~
so now it SHUT THE FUCK UP WILL 'YA back in business baby ~.^
did some thinking by the sea last nite...and neko-chan finally made up her mind...if long long looong time ago, she let me be the one interacting wif those humans, she wouldn't get hurt so deep by those she trusted....
since she had seperate herself into different individuals, she should've juz gone into slummber....and moi take over....juz hope noone will ever convince her to do such a stupid thing again....she's the main soul, we're juz subs, in order for her to retain her kindness, the mean and evil are being split out...moi, being one of them, have the right to force her back inside...glad that at least now she's doin it on her own~~
so now it SHUT THE FUCK UP WILL 'YA back in business baby ~.^
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
sigh....i'm juz wondering...if i'm not allowed to be happy, even by ppl who are related to me by blood...sigh...shall disappear for the nite, and i'll leave it to fate to decide, if i should live to see tml, or i should juz disappear forever..and since it's raining, i'm gonna go somewhere where i can freeze...
wondering how many ppl can continue wif their work after they've cried?
and out of those, how many are in their early 20s, how many are singaporeans??
after i feel like dying..i still have to chiong for my boss, y? cuz both me and my fren owes him at least that..and since my fren is slacking cum taking care of baby at home, i've do most of the job again..sigh..i know having a baby is not easy, so i didn't say anything..and thus, i rip wad i sow....and now everything's my fault again..thing goes wrong, not enough result, it all becomes my sole responsibility.....i'm loving my job more and more..
and out of those, how many are in their early 20s, how many are singaporeans??
after i feel like dying..i still have to chiong for my boss, y? cuz both me and my fren owes him at least that..and since my fren is slacking cum taking care of baby at home, i've do most of the job again..sigh..i know having a baby is not easy, so i didn't say anything..and thus, i rip wad i sow....and now everything's my fault again..thing goes wrong, not enough result, it all becomes my sole responsibility.....i'm loving my job more and more..
everytime make sooo little calls..and all her work end up becoming my load...sigh.....and she wants to lecture me somemore, the reason i'm over loaded wif tonnes of stuff to do in the office is cuz of her..sigh..wad a gd fren she is..even though i'm thankful as she's the one who reconmended me here...but...this is a whole different story now! damn it!! say i'm ungratful....-.-
fine..every freaking person thinks i come work to enjoy the free aircon, and i get paid for nothing..how nice~ everyone believes that nonsense and noone believes i've plenty to do....and they have to make sure that i CANT call today..fine..i'll try my best to cool down, and make as much call as i can....cuz there's a chance i'll not be here tml..
y am i so stupid? y even bother talking things out wif ppl?? y even bother telling them wad happened? now this happen...nothing gd ever comes frm talking thing out...nothing gd ever comes frm telling ppl wad actually happened, and wad u're thinking, or how u're feeling..
told them the story..now? they despise me as well...
fine...since it's no longer a secret, i dun have to hide anymore...
some might know my bro tried to kill me more than once, and think i did blog about my mom letting her bf molest me, by saying 'i didn't see anything' while she was standing right infront when her bf touched me..
but the thing 99% of my frens didn't know, is that i was raped by my bro when i was still very young, back when i didn't even know that sort of touching is wrong..and when i was even younger, i was being molested by a stranger..how old was i back than? in kindergarden i guess, when the old chong pang market was still ard....juz b4 i turned 18, i went to help out at a KTV my mom's fren, a china lady, owns...and the same bad thing happened...that i did told my mom....and she gave me the 'u well deserved it' look....should've called the police back than, and not kept quiet juz becuz the boss is her fren..sometimes i feel like i need to get these off my chest, but than again..i can't tell ppl these...
i only told 2 or 3 very close fren all these.....the rest dun noe a bout this..if they were to know, they'll juz treat it as something to laugh and joke about..juz like wad's happening now...they freaking thinks i made everything up to make them pity me...y the hell will i do that? noone knows, juz like how ppl like to lie when there's no need to..
told them the story..now? they despise me as well...
fine...since it's no longer a secret, i dun have to hide anymore...
some might know my bro tried to kill me more than once, and think i did blog about my mom letting her bf molest me, by saying 'i didn't see anything' while she was standing right infront when her bf touched me..
but the thing 99% of my frens didn't know, is that i was raped by my bro when i was still very young, back when i didn't even know that sort of touching is wrong..and when i was even younger, i was being molested by a stranger..how old was i back than? in kindergarden i guess, when the old chong pang market was still ard....juz b4 i turned 18, i went to help out at a KTV my mom's fren, a china lady, owns...and the same bad thing happened...that i did told my mom....and she gave me the 'u well deserved it' look....should've called the police back than, and not kept quiet juz becuz the boss is her fren..sometimes i feel like i need to get these off my chest, but than again..i can't tell ppl these...
i only told 2 or 3 very close fren all these.....the rest dun noe a bout this..if they were to know, they'll juz treat it as something to laugh and joke about..juz like wad's happening now...they freaking thinks i made everything up to make them pity me...y the hell will i do that? noone knows, juz like how ppl like to lie when there's no need to..
fine, seriously..no point talking to anyone anymore.....every freaking person thinks i'm doin every fucking thing for myself only (except i know some of those cosplay frens dun think that way, and shihui)..my mom who rise me, the fren who worked wif me...they've seen how i treat others, yet that's how they think of me....should've known..frm the moment my very own mother called me a filthy cheap slut, i should've known....frm the moment she told everyone i've been using her money and never ever given her a single cent, i should've known.....the world is juz a freaking lie.....everything's a lie....every happy memory is created juz for them to crash in the future....everything is done for the greater evil..every freaking thing.....if that's the case, y was i stupid enough to believe in humans in the 1st place??
y did i even gave 'believe in love' a chance? i was so happy when i was living on hating the world...frens came, convinced me to change..now...the only one i can hate is myself....hate myself for being so stupid...hate myself for letting my guard down, hate myself for being overly considerate for others that i did not kill myself so many times, when i was about to, i remembered things i've yet to do, the trouble i'll be causing others..now, i'm said to be always self-centered....later after work, i'll see how things goes....if i still can't find any reason for me to continue staying here, reasons which do not include anyone else, than i dun see any point in this life anymore...
y did i even gave 'believe in love' a chance? i was so happy when i was living on hating the world...frens came, convinced me to change..now...the only one i can hate is myself....hate myself for being so stupid...hate myself for letting my guard down, hate myself for being overly considerate for others that i did not kill myself so many times, when i was about to, i remembered things i've yet to do, the trouble i'll be causing others..now, i'm said to be always self-centered....later after work, i'll see how things goes....if i still can't find any reason for me to continue staying here, reasons which do not include anyone else, than i dun see any point in this life anymore...
once the vivocare project is over, maybe after i've found someone to replace me here at my current workplace, than it's time i take my leave....since she's praying so hard that i die sooner, than i do not see the point of waiting for one yr later....bought insurance, and 1 yr later, even if i were to comit suicide, insurance will pay at least something......
but boss juz gave me new job scope.....one of the thing holding me back now is boss...he spent so much time and effort in training......if i were to go juz like that, all those things he tought me all goes to waste.....
sigh...move out frm the house, adopt a pet, think might be a better idea..and for me to have my own place now, i'll have to get married... ... ...damn sg law.....
but boss juz gave me new job scope.....one of the thing holding me back now is boss...he spent so much time and effort in training......if i were to go juz like that, all those things he tought me all goes to waste.....
sigh...move out frm the house, adopt a pet, think might be a better idea..and for me to have my own place now, i'll have to get married... ... ...damn sg law.....
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
sigh.......tml my fren gonna be working frm home......and i can see my future has juz gotten even darker.......
end of the day, EVERY FUCKING THING shall falls on me only......nice~
i've already more than enough thingy to handle...now this...and my fren, dun even know if he wants to find a full time job elsewhere, or he wanna come here as part time.....
sigh.......somebody juz kill me....
end of the day, EVERY FUCKING THING shall falls on me only......nice~
i've already more than enough thingy to handle...now this...and my fren, dun even know if he wants to find a full time job elsewhere, or he wanna come here as part time.....
sigh.......somebody juz kill me....
sometimes i juz wonder, if i manage to find a bf, wif my family being like this, how many guys out there can actually be there for me when my family makes me feel like life simply ain't worth living? how many guys can actually makes me feel safe wif them ard, for someone like me, where home isn't even a safe place to be....
mayb it my charater...growing up in such a environment, mayb my mind has been broken long ago...no longer sane as i should be, no human would really accept me for who i am anymore.....sooner or later, i'll reject myself more and more, till one fine day, i can no longer find a single thing of me which i can accept..by than, life would be totally meaningless..guess that's how my life is to end...by my hands, i shall die, rejected by all including me, life is no longer worth living..
mayb it my charater...growing up in such a environment, mayb my mind has been broken long ago...no longer sane as i should be, no human would really accept me for who i am anymore.....sooner or later, i'll reject myself more and more, till one fine day, i can no longer find a single thing of me which i can accept..by than, life would be totally meaningless..guess that's how my life is to end...by my hands, i shall die, rejected by all including me, life is no longer worth living..
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Oopss~~ i've already finish my work!!!!!!!
nothing else to do already...might not be goin out (i'm all dress to go town today, as my fren wanna go, but looking at the time, high chance not goin~)
and best of all, mom juz called me telling me she saw many very nice cosplay at expo, and sounded super excited about seeing the power ranger cosplay more than anything else!!! (might need to drag her to more cosplay events, than she can see the whole team of power ranger & mught be able to catch the group of sailormoon cosplayers as well)
nothing else to do already...might not be goin out (i'm all dress to go town today, as my fren wanna go, but looking at the time, high chance not goin~)
and best of all, mom juz called me telling me she saw many very nice cosplay at expo, and sounded super excited about seeing the power ranger cosplay more than anything else!!! (might need to drag her to more cosplay events, than she can see the whole team of power ranger & mught be able to catch the group of sailormoon cosplayers as well)
Friday, September 9, 2011
hmmmmmm.....think there's a high chance tat if my fren comes back to sg, and come for the interview here, we'll have enough things for him to do already~~
cuz my fren's (the one working wif me now) is starting to actually work!!!! ^^
she helping me calling some of the ppl i've called to chase some stuff back, and i can concentrate on my part of the job soon~~
weeeee!!!!
switching to maximum gear very very soon!!!! xDDD
cuz my fren's (the one working wif me now) is starting to actually work!!!! ^^
she helping me calling some of the ppl i've called to chase some stuff back, and i can concentrate on my part of the job soon~~
weeeee!!!!
switching to maximum gear very very soon!!!! xDDD
Thursday, September 8, 2011
i like this song!!!
even though it's using Hagane Miku's voice, but it sounds so soothing~ ^^
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wGAwrnE_ojE&feature=BFp&list=PL7DA1AB69BC75D0D9
even though it's using Hagane Miku's voice, but it sounds so soothing~ ^^
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wGAwrnE_ojE&feature=BFp&list=PL7DA1AB69BC75D0D9
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
lols!!
my fren's mom very cute, tell me next time i dun wanna go home, can always go overnite at her place...
issue is, it's not a gd idea~
#1, there are ppl in her house (like ofcuz) and when i'm pissed normally i'd prefer to be alone
#2, her eldest son and youngest daughter aren't that welcoming of me sleeping over at their place..
#3, hmmmm, lets juz say staying over at a place where my mom knows the location when i'm angry at her, kinda defeats the purpose of this 'cooling off period' rite?
my fren's mom very cute, tell me next time i dun wanna go home, can always go overnite at her place...
issue is, it's not a gd idea~
#1, there are ppl in her house (like ofcuz) and when i'm pissed normally i'd prefer to be alone
#2, her eldest son and youngest daughter aren't that welcoming of me sleeping over at their place..
#3, hmmmm, lets juz say staying over at a place where my mom knows the location when i'm angry at her, kinda defeats the purpose of this 'cooling off period' rite?
think the very last place i should go emo is by the beach.....i'll be soo tempted to drown myself till next thing i know, i'm drowned already..if the doors are not locked, i'd gladly go walk to yishun and back again...
now i dun even feel like staying in the office......dun feel like staying anywhere in fact...
now i dun even feel like staying in the office......dun feel like staying anywhere in fact...
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
nothing to overdose on...only have my inhalent, which doesn't really makes any diff, no matter how much i inhale......at most gonna have a sore throat tml, nothing else.......kinda miss that feeling of overdosing on muscle relaxant...whole body super relaxed, including the brain.....even when i'm the kinda who thinks alot, during that moment, even for the most basic of things, such as talking, i've to focus, so, my brain can't think too much......really missed that feeling now......mayb i should start stocking up on some meds, for the plan in the future not too far frm now....
i seriously dunno wad to think.....my bro stole the gold ring she gave me and sold it away, it's my fault, i gets all the shit, while my bro, the person who stole the ring, gets away whit it while he cash in frm selling that ring....
my laptop was spoilt by him as well, and she says it's my fault for not bringing it wif me where ever i go....i'm oblige to be a 'gd gal' while she goes ard complaining to others wad an awfull child i am..... ...... .......ya rite..nothing i do will ever please her....not when i score 98/100 for test/exams when i was in sch....not when i bring her out to enjoy a gd meal outside..NOTHING i do will be gd enough.....as for my bro, he simply have to do some small little thingy, she's very happy already...is it bcuz since young, he has alwas been the naughty one, so she have a much lesser/lower expectation of him??
i dunno.....i hate this kinda family, i hate growing up into the person i am now...i simply hate every fucking thing rite now!!!!
my laptop was spoilt by him as well, and she says it's my fault for not bringing it wif me where ever i go....i'm oblige to be a 'gd gal' while she goes ard complaining to others wad an awfull child i am..... ...... .......ya rite..nothing i do will ever please her....not when i score 98/100 for test/exams when i was in sch....not when i bring her out to enjoy a gd meal outside..NOTHING i do will be gd enough.....as for my bro, he simply have to do some small little thingy, she's very happy already...is it bcuz since young, he has alwas been the naughty one, so she have a much lesser/lower expectation of him??
i dunno.....i hate this kinda family, i hate growing up into the person i am now...i simply hate every fucking thing rite now!!!!
wad's the point of calling me on my phone when all she wanna do is sinply rant away??
since that's all she wanna do, y not rant to her pillow or the wall or something??
must she rant at me even for things which are not my fault??
now i can't even laugh in the house of mine, how can that be called a home when laughing isn't allowed??
guess she's calling juz to rant and ask me for money....that's all i'm gd for??
nice one..to give birth to a child, not to love.......guessed i've known better.......i'm unwanted even b4 i was born......my exsistance itself is a mistake.....it was never meant to be....
since that's all she wanna do, y not rant to her pillow or the wall or something??
must she rant at me even for things which are not my fault??
now i can't even laugh in the house of mine, how can that be called a home when laughing isn't allowed??
guess she's calling juz to rant and ask me for money....that's all i'm gd for??
nice one..to give birth to a child, not to love.......guessed i've known better.......i'm unwanted even b4 i was born......my exsistance itself is a mistake.....it was never meant to be....
sigh
juz when i thought i can pretend that nothing's wrong....my mom never fails to turn everything upsidedown...
gonna stay in this job, for another slightly more than a yr...than....it's gd bye.........unless something happen within that yr whch made me change my mind.....but dun think that chance is high....even though wad i'm looking for is something very simple.............but seeing the way things are goin, noone will ever be able to see me for who i really am, let alone finding someone who likes me for being me....
it's silly to cry over a family which does nothing but hurt me emotionally, but my heart achs so much i really wanna cry....the funny thing is, tears won't come out.........where are those who promised to be by my side when i need them.....none....(not that i'm hoping for anyhting else, it's all expected)
starting to lose faith in humanities, already lossing faith in myself....
hope brings not joy but disappointment..
knowing light brings not comfort but fear when dark comes creeping near..
life is not something to enjoy but an enduring race for those with strong will..
the weak and soft, who have only themselves to rely on, can only go quietly insane..
mind, heart, and soul, broken and twisted..
we no longer able to tell the right frm the wrong, for everything, every value, every meaning, have been twisted and turned, into something totally different
juz when i thought i can pretend that nothing's wrong....my mom never fails to turn everything upsidedown...
gonna stay in this job, for another slightly more than a yr...than....it's gd bye.........unless something happen within that yr whch made me change my mind.....but dun think that chance is high....even though wad i'm looking for is something very simple.............but seeing the way things are goin, noone will ever be able to see me for who i really am, let alone finding someone who likes me for being me....
it's silly to cry over a family which does nothing but hurt me emotionally, but my heart achs so much i really wanna cry....the funny thing is, tears won't come out.........where are those who promised to be by my side when i need them.....none....(not that i'm hoping for anyhting else, it's all expected)
starting to lose faith in humanities, already lossing faith in myself....
hope brings not joy but disappointment..
knowing light brings not comfort but fear when dark comes creeping near..
life is not something to enjoy but an enduring race for those with strong will..
the weak and soft, who have only themselves to rely on, can only go quietly insane..
mind, heart, and soul, broken and twisted..
we no longer able to tell the right frm the wrong, for everything, every value, every meaning, have been twisted and turned, into something totally different
Monday, September 5, 2011
ARGHHHHHHHH
he juz flew yesterday morning, and i kinda miss him like go knows how long never see him like that!!!
sometimes even i myself dun understand myself.. ... .....my mom asked me a Q which i've been asking myself as well.. ...but can't quite find the answers......
wad do i like about him...... ... ....hmmmmm.....seriously....i.have.no.idea!!!! :(
he juz flew yesterday morning, and i kinda miss him like go knows how long never see him like that!!!
sometimes even i myself dun understand myself.. ... .....my mom asked me a Q which i've been asking myself as well.. ...but can't quite find the answers......
wad do i like about him...... ... ....hmmmmm.....seriously....i.have.no.idea!!!! :(
Friday, September 2, 2011
....... asked him where he wanna meet me after his lesson ends tml.. .. . ....never reply....-_-
mayb he's busy doin costest bah.......
LOLS!!!!
so obvious who he wanna cos!!!
but than again, another of my fren cos-ing the same charater as him!!
lols~~
if she's cos-ing that chara during AFA as well~
heheheeeeee~ *grin*
but no way am i cosing another chara frm the anime for him (wish i could, but both days of AFA booked already....and might not bump into him during event as well, so ya)
if not, i did thought of cosplaying kamiki frm that anime, but toooo booked to add my personal cosplans into any events for this whole yr + next yr.......
mayb he's busy doin costest bah.......
LOLS!!!!
so obvious who he wanna cos!!!
but than again, another of my fren cos-ing the same charater as him!!
lols~~
if she's cos-ing that chara during AFA as well~
heheheeeeee~ *grin*
but no way am i cosing another chara frm the anime for him (wish i could, but both days of AFA booked already....and might not bump into him during event as well, so ya)
if not, i did thought of cosplaying kamiki frm that anime, but toooo booked to add my personal cosplans into any events for this whole yr + next yr.......
!!!!!!
super duper tempted to follow him back viet this sun!!!!
but cannot, tooooo much backlog to clear......and...dun think i've enough $ to follow anyways...
if he's goin back end of the year, mayv, juz mayb, i'll be able to tag along~
but than there's another problem, 1st is if he allow me to tag along, 2nd is my passport!!!!
it's a gd idea to go renew passport within these 2 mths~ ;p
super duper tempted to follow him back viet this sun!!!!
but cannot, tooooo much backlog to clear......and...dun think i've enough $ to follow anyways...
if he's goin back end of the year, mayv, juz mayb, i'll be able to tag along~
but than there's another problem, 1st is if he allow me to tag along, 2nd is my passport!!!!
it's a gd idea to go renew passport within these 2 mths~ ;p
sigh~
he'll only be back on the 16th!!!!!
*sadddd :(
but his mgs, towards the end, he said "will see u when i get back" kinda makes me feel abit happy....even though i noe it's see me regarding work thingy, but...dunno y seeing that juz made me smile~
i know i'm kinda acting stupid, it's clearly a one sided thing now, but, guess when it comes to things related to matters of the heart, i'm not as smart as ppl think i am....
he'll only be back on the 16th!!!!!
*sadddd :(
but his mgs, towards the end, he said "will see u when i get back" kinda makes me feel abit happy....even though i noe it's see me regarding work thingy, but...dunno y seeing that juz made me smile~
i know i'm kinda acting stupid, it's clearly a one sided thing now, but, guess when it comes to things related to matters of the heart, i'm not as smart as ppl think i am....
Thursday, September 1, 2011
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