ok....even though i DID say tat i wont b emo-ing anymore.....but than something stupid happen @ work juz now.....and it happened TWICE for crying out loud!!!! was so pissed off tat i actually walked out halfway through work....and yes.....*again*.......-.-
even though it's not something i should be doin.....but than again....in the condition i was in....i might have snapped to the extent of hurting myself again, and ofcuz hurting those who care about me by doin so......
my love tried to comfort me while i was on my way back, but it didn't worked well....did sms few people while i was on the train though.....1, was my ex-fwb...2, my supervisor who went back wif my manager, and normally wad eva the manager needs to know, he's the 1 to msg.......3, my dear lao san......lastly, my "teacher" aka "master", whom might be sleeping already as he didn't reply......

msg-ing my ex fwb....i realized tat he no longer have tat much power over my feelings, as receiving his replies didn't affect me tat much......not like how it used to.....i guess tat's only normal as i have my beloved wif me now....

and as for my supervisor wise......well.....he did tell me to rest well and dun think too much.....and after which, after i've cooled my head for quite abit, i feel bad to make him worry like tat.......it's not like he do not have problems of he's own.......and i shouldn't be adding on to those troubles lor....

best is still my lao san~
even though i really can't tell her part of my problems (which worries her even more actually) i really did feel alot better after chatting wif her via sms......it's like even though sometimes when u feel like u juz wanna be left alone and someone keeps msging u, u get annoyed easily..??
she sometimes sms me @ the worst possible time....but oso....the best time actually.....
tried, tested, and proven! when i feel like i wanted to be left alone.....most of those times it's BEST tat i'm NOT left alone......not even to cool down.....scars on my hand and wrist are prove to tat.....

if i wanna cool down, AND i dun feel like talking..it's best to get someone to juz hang ard wif me, w/o talking.......juz 1 person *(i must be comfortable ard tat person ofcuz) to be sitting beside me is enough to prevent those kinda stupid things i tend to do.........and sometimes, a sms frm some1 who cares works juz as well too......^^

and than when i've really cool down while @ home already, i notice my love seems abit down...and he was actually sad tat he wasn't able to cheer me up juz now while on the train.....
juz how lucky am i.....he did something more meaningful than cheering me up, he help me to held onto tat tiny bit of sanity @ the point when i was about to explode into a rampage.....even though emo-ing is bad, my rampage is alot worst......for i have the tendency to get violent while on rampage mode........and i'll break alot of stuff as well....

so my love, dun be sad k?? u mean alot to me, as i am to u.......i'm sorry to only starting to treasure now, after so many years u've been by my side......but i'm gonna be completely loyal to you frm now onwards.........no more flings (not tat i know tat i have any), no more fwb.....for you are all that i need now.......love u~ ^^