updates~!!!!!!!!!!

havent been bloggin for qute some time..
too tired frm work and other stuff..*sigh*....even though i know i shouldn't b tired frm work as i'm not doin much dere..but somehow..i'm startin to get mentally tire.. ... ...i'm weak...
.maybe it's cuz i've to interact wif ppl so very often..be it i'm in the mood or not..i've to put up a front sayin "i'm ok, dun worry" cuz MOST of the ppl there treats me really really nicely.....so i can't really b totally me..but rather..it's a place mostly for "neko".....tha cat they all so loved and pamper....the cat who will not get angry no matter wad..she'll cry whan she gets pissed off..(!?)
even if she's angry at some1..no1 can tell cuz she's juz too cute..-.-"'
only problem is tat she's a SUPER blur queen..so when ever closing time i'll mostlikely be the 1 takin over and gettin the job done instead of her (but she sometimes come out when i'm washin the rags in da toilet..so sweeet of her to insist to help)..and tat when all the drama mama happens..

it's juz soooooo strange tat me and nya-ko cannot co-exsist ard most ppl.....for once they've seen tst side of "me"..the "original me" will not be accepted..confusing..??
simple way of sayin it will b tat once they've seen the cute side of me..the original "shell of endless anger & fury" me is no longer acceptable..
*sad sad sad*

anyways..thanks to some1..i went to goggle the "Lavia" part of my name..and found out tat it's actually a place in Finnland..^^
hmmm...nice~
i kinda like the "Lavia Church" there..

outting wif frens on 14dec09, mon..^^

haha~
FINALLY get to meet wei cong in person after knowing him for 4-5 years..xD
*note: Wei Cong is a guy i know via sending mgs to the wrong number..best part was my fren's name was 'wei meng' and he was the 1 who gave me the wrong nunber...-.-*
it was kinda funny how fate can place some1 in your life juz like tat..it's like normally ppl would not bother wif those who sent mgs to their phone by mistake..but in this case..we kinda became quite close..as in he is the ONLY 1 who would entertain me when i call him up 3plus, 4 in the morning cuz i was feeling sad bout something stupid..and if he were to b awake, he would chat wif me for @ least 1hour..*p.s. our max was talked for more than 3hour..;p*
well..went to get stuff to make a xmas card..as he has NEVER done these kinda things b4, he didn't know wad to buy and such...too bad he had a fight wif his gf and wanted to do something to make her happy..
(wonder how would the card turn out to be like..or even..will he really make the card not..?? or will he juz buy a card thinking "aiyo..so troublesome to make..IT'S JUZ A CARD WAD..!! juz buy 1 nice nice 1 will do lah..")
><

and after tat went orchard to meet up wif dalif..my SDAM fren..^^
didn't really get the chance to talk to him during events as i'm like kinda new there and not many ppl know me and stuff..but it was nice to find out that he actually writes poetry too..xD
best part was tat it seems we had quite afew similarities..even had similar plans/vision for our poetry side..^^
1st we chatted in starbucks, located in ION while we enjoy our drinks..
than we decided to chat while walkin..so we did tat, and we walked to plaza sing there..
than he's like "so..u takin train or bus..??"
and i'm like "here got no bus back rite..???" "i know bugis got 960..^^"
he looks at the time (which was past 11pm already..!!)
suggested we take frm the bus stop opp CHIMES as it was nearest to us and we dun have to risk missing the last bus back..^^
and me being the stupid singaporean who didn't know much bout s'pore was like "oh~ they have a bus stop there..?! sure~ lets take bus frm there instead..^^"
and we took the same bus back..chatted more on the bus while on the way back too..xD
had a great time..xD

wad i did on 5 dec and 7 dec..;p

let's start frm sat, 5/12, the day after my bday and the day i get to have fun..;p
met 1 of my fren @ TCC, near plaza sing 1, and had a drink..(actually wanted to watch movie..but i can't wake up in time for the movie i wanna watch so end up never catch any movie..><)
went to House of Rock for a Bad Obsession gig after tat..was told tat i could get tix @ pre-sale price if i mention i'm the fren of so-&-so..but didn't lah..paid at-da-door price but it's ok..for i enjoyed myself over there, more so during the 1st band's performence..;p
down side to this gig was that the crowd's energy was FLAT...!!!!!!!!!!
wtf are they doin goin for a gig (ROCK GIG) to only glue their ass on the stools as soon as they got there..!?
even the groupies's energy was a flat line...-.-"'""""""
and another thing was, the venue kinda sucks..or should i say their bar sucks..$10 for a gls of plain water.... ...........i'm speechless........

and which after da gig,went Heart of Darkness..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@ NOVA..
there is where i had loads and loads of fun~
had quite alot of drink (considering the fact tat i should NOT b drinking AT ALL since i'm not feling well) .. ;p

oh ya..7 dec..;p

went M.A house in the early afternoon to have a look @ my mom's tattoo design and oso let him have a look @ the fabric he wanted..to see if it's the right type of fabric..
he looked sooooo much beta (somehow) like mayb now he's having enough sleep or something..
(ps..saw ALOT of love-bites all over his neck..so go figure wad tat "something" is lah..;p)
seriously thought that i would get insanely jelouse (cuz i wasn't feeling gd at all when i saw pics of him and her together quite awhile back..) but surprised to find that i'm not..(?!)
somehow, i'm juz glad that he's looking beta and (almost) glowing like how someone in love should be..hmmm..so do i still like him that much..??
or have i gotten over him..???????
and he suddenly says that he wants to do touch-ups for my tattoo (my matsu~^^) so ya..got inked tat day w/o gettin a new tattoo..(and i can almost see few of my frens go "wah lucky she didn't get another tattoo")..
and he noticed the bruise on my right arm and actually asked wad happened..!! (another surprise for me..!!)

so basically tat's it for da 2 days lah..the rest of ther days are juz normal beyond wad words can say..so no need to say anything..-.-""
;p

bday juz ard the corner..!!! ^^

havin fever past few days..and tat is something which will happen almost every yr ard my bday..last yr was the worst as i had the stupid fever on my bday itself...-.-""
but i'm feeling soooooooooo much better now..thanks to almost 24hr of sleep yesterday during my offday..;p (think got 18-20hr of sleep..=3 it's been soo long since i last slept tat much..^^)

hmmm...will finally be clubing for this yr's bday..HAHA..and wif Nicholas Matar as guest DJ in Stereolab..woohoo~(actually workin la..but anyways..hoping to enjoy myself during work nevertheless..;p)

and on the 5th i manage to request for leave..Heart of Darkness here i come~

mayb i should get some help..

saw some "souvenirs" on my hand and knew something real bad must have happened @ work juz now..and i must have made quite a number of ppl unhappy..
it's like every wed there's a curse of me being super hyper, which in turn meaning my subconscious will be at it's weakest moment..and which ever side of my will become more extreme when triggred..and during these times i'm beyond the control of myself..all there is to make sure none of me do anything too stupid and regret later is the mere subconscious of my own stubborn self..the one who won't allow myself to faint even after overdosing on 16 relaxant tablet..but i wonder for how much longer can it hold on, preventing the other me frm hurting myself or others too badly..
mayb i should seek help..before the other me starts to destory all those things which are dear to me in Stereo..like how it destory some other stuff which are dear to me in the past..there are lots of things which are not known by many, for even when i talked abut those stuff, it would b in a joking manner..for i know that for a fact noones gonna understand wadever i'm saying if i were to say it seriously..furthur more..they may even think somethng else..
well..lets hope that it's really nothing serious and tat it's juz all n my head..

day off 23/11/09..

hmmm..lets see..

met my facebook fren, spidey, for the 1st time @ cineleisure ard noon for lunch and movie wif his frens..watch Neon Eva 2.0: you can (not) advance..!!!!
it was FUCKING GD lah..!!! xD (pardon my lingual)
can't wait for the 3rd movie to be released..^^

went bugis, bali lane to my fren's shop..alice 88th..and OMFG, she got quit afew new dolls on display..and they all look AWSOME~!!!!!
how i wish to have my very own dollfie..(hint hint, and my bday's comin very soon*;p)
spent the rest of my day ther chating wif her and her dolls..only to reach home @ 33min past midnite..;p

might b goin there again later to be her shop model..haha..that's the only place i can sorta be a model..and think she's the only one who will allow me to do as i please (sorta, in a way..;p)
haha..didn't take any pics juz now..><
but than again..i'm thinking of gettin a video camcorder..wouldn't it be beta if i had videos instead of only photos..??
xD....

attanded a funeral, missed AFA..

*sigh*..have been looking forward to AFA for sooooooo loonnnggggggg..and for wad..end up i missed it..but it ok i guess..at least the funeral i attended didn't have those freaking hypocrites..
it juz so saddens me that those who are gd and nice are always the ones to die early..
(or maybe it's cuz we dun wan them to leave us soo soon, thus it seems it's too early for them to leave us like this..)

but wad i heard was that he went w/o any regrets...which is a gd thing (rite..?) cuz he was a gd guy nevertheleast..okies..gtg now..haven't had any sleep since i got home on sunday morning...
thank goodness i have mon & tue to rest..^^

ja ne minna~
oyasumi nasai~^^

D.U.R.A.M.A..staring: drunk crazy ladies..;p

heehee..it's actually drama la..;p
anyways..slangs aside..it was quite a action nite @ work juz now..quite afew free drama to watch..but sad to say, (i'm not tryin to b racist or wad), but those drama which made me feel like slapping those stupid "lead actress" face are all of indian race..best part is that they are fucking demanding while not being he ones to spend a single cent..xxooxxoxoxo..juz can't understand how can people be so damn thicked-skinned..
xD
msg 'him' in the early afternoon regarding the changes needed to b done to the design.. sometimes he's juz simply cute la..think his brain not working properly during that time or that he has too much stuff to think about..but i'm juz happy enough that his msg tone has become more friendly, more like how he used to msg me in the past..^^
and not so distant, as if i'm only a customer..
really hope i still stand a chance to be with him..but i'll juz let things go as natural as possible..i'll try not to force anything to happen or push my luck too far..dun wanna end up lossing him again..

something i wanna do..

hmmmm..here's a very short wishlist for my birthday~^^
i want a laptop,
1) a silk kimono,
2) to lose 7kgs,
3) to get tattoo-ed,
4) to get pierced,
5) spend time wif my VERY GD frens,
6) to have fun and enjoy myself wif my frens,
7) to enjoy a very pleasent dinning exp wif family & frens,
8) to own a inu shiba, inu akita, neko(s) as pet(s),
9) to go on a half mth tour/visit to japan,
10) to take a shower wif the one i like, and wash/scrub his back for him..(!?)

HAhahahahah..ok..it's not like i wanna get ALL these by this yr's bday..this is more like wad i wanna do in the next few yrs to come..wif the 10th as the ultimate as it's the least likely to happen, not very possible for it to happen..
okie~that's all for now~ ja ne~^^

posted quite a number of my works on kaymatsu-soulpoetry..
most of them are writen awhlie back before i started my blog(s)..
ALL of those poems on facebook had been re-posted on soulpoetry and think i did edited afew of them (mostly spelling errors)..and also posted the japanese version of few of those..^^
have fun reading~

so many things to say..but dunno how to say them..

hi minna~ (hi everyone~;p)
long long time never update blog wor..not tat i've got nothing to update, juz tat i think i should cut down on the whining & complaining on my blog..so ya..having said tat guess more or less you noe during those days i've no updates most likely it's gonna b complains bout this and that..
bla bla bla..etc etc..

i still miss those times spent together wif m.a. but knew it's impossible for us to even b gd frens now..i'm glad tat he still share things regarding his tattoo biz wif me even now..even if tis juz cuz i'm his customer who did my tattoo there and will have more tattoo done wif him in future..

have plans to go Taiwan or japan in mid 2010..hope to save up enough to fly AND spend there..=3
honto ni..demo ne~ even if i manage to save enough it would only b enough for 1 person bah..since think i'll b the only 1 saving up..
LIKE TAT HOW TO BRING MY MOM ALONG OSO SIA~!!!
unless i save up more than half my pay frm next mth onwards..than mayb possible..shall try tat in dec see how..;p

past few day has been a little "weird" la..it's like my brain if functioning totally on it's own, wif los of ideas for this and that..best part is i can hardly catch wad it's thinking bout..but one thing's for sure..it juz seems like god has misplaced this wonderful brain into the wrong body of some sort..cuz this brain has lots of inspiration and ideas for lotsa things..but it juz can't find a way to express it..which s why sometimes i get these really weird headachs and stuff..and sometimes i'll juz stone not cuz i'm tired but cuz there're too many things going through my brains till it can't function properly for the period of time..

recently..it seems tat i'm been doin something like "visual poetry" thingy..(not sure it such a term even exists..;p)
it's juz poems, but it would b better if there are some pics or videos for the benefits of those who can't really visualise Anything juz by reading words and nothing else..

hmmmm......

anyways..gonna sleep soon..have to wake early to go buy cloth to make somethin to wear for AFA this wkends, 21-22 nov..yeah~..
=3
;p
^^
xD

something gd~xD

hmmmm..where should i start.. ... .....
well..got home frm work on tue, should say wed morning, 3 something in da morning..
as usual online for a while to play some games on fb and need to send some1 some1 an email..
so i was juz playin my game(s) on fb after i've sent the email when noticed tat some1 is online..
haha..i tot it would b gd if i inform him tat i've alreadi emailed him, but not sure if he's really there..i started off wi my Signature "hi hi..^^" thingy..
he did reply..and we chatted, though mostly it's regarding the "thingy" i emailed him..than suddenly he ask me if i'm free later..(there i was thinking "wah! wanna ask me out isit?" but then, it's me again who's thinking "sigh* impossible one lah" )..
turn out tat he wants to take pics of tattoos he has done lah so ask me to go his house like 7am..so tat i can go home and sleep after photos are taken..(but seriously i would've prefer to sleep there if he offer me..;p)
went his house, chatted for awhile..(even though there're lots of silent moments here and there)..it feels juz like when we 1st known each other, as if time has turn back it's hand and return us to the past..except now he has lost alot of weight..
while i was there..there are soooo many thing i wanted to tell him, sooo many

updates updates..

soooooo long never update my blog..but lucky no need to say sorry to anyone cuz zero views for tat period of time..;p

dunno y but juz seem to be wanting more rest recently..think cuz wasn't feeling well..it's like so freaky that i puke again juz 2days ago..but nothing but gas and acid came out..but thank goodness it's so much better now..(tat's y got energy to blog today..;p)

hmmmmmmmm........... ........like nothing much to date oso..except the pink goblins running ard are now gone..only tat the clouds still looks quite tasty sometimes..

can't belive i manage to survive work (which was quite busy for the past few days) w/o messing thing up too much, with my brain being stuck..(someone even told me i look like i'm on drugs as i was stoning way too much...-.-)

HAHAHAHAH..mon off day..wonder if gonna go out wif anyone..;p
it's like suddenly dun like to be alone on my off days..which is not vry gd cuz normally tat's how i've to spend my off..anyways..gonna go off to work soon...
ja mata~ =3

hyper hyper~

last nite i went into hyper mode again..both hyper neko & hyper inu mode..;p
can't even stand still for 1min..but at least no runway walk in stereo last nite.....ok..mayb there was..but only a little tiny bitsy..XD
was being called into manager's office halfway..(!?)
and i tot it has something to do wif my over-active-ness..(haha..;p) but turn out to be something very gd..^^
it was regarding my confirmation in the company..and yes..i'm about to become a confirmed staff of stereo..BANZAI~! BANZAI~!
after coming out frm the office..totally went puppy mode (thank god for LOUD music in clubs, esp mine..;p)..some might have noticed (which i truely hope it's noone) tahat i was making all these weird noises, as if i was howling or something..which was wad i was doing actually, howling that is..dunno why, dunno when it started (frm wad i heard frm my mom, i was like this since i was very young) but sometimes i would juz start making all these sounds of cat or dogs..and one can actually tell my mood frm it if they heard it..which i try not to let anyone hear it ofcuz..
cuz though it's a known fact that i'm crazy, or juz not that normal for a normal person..or a pretty sane and normal person for a abnormal person..(?????)
*sigh*...brain not functioning well today..so i could only hope that i can get pass my day at work later w/o messing things up..;p
will update blog soon when my brain decided to wake frmthe dead..got so much so much to say..
but my brain is stuck somewhere where the goblins are pink and the skys are candy floss...=3

shaiya online..!!!!!!!!!!!! & kendo..=3

haha..started playing shaiya online on sunday (or should say monday morning ;p)..even though i've seen my cousin, neo, playing it like forever, now i'm still kinda lost..i dun even noe how to open the chat thingy..it sometimes pops up by itself (as i seriuosly dunno wad i did)..><
and i haven't played for 24h yet i've alreadi died twice..!!!!!!
*sigh* talk about noob..-,-

WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....
tue one more off day to go..than it's work & work till my next off..^^
suppose to meet lao san on tue, hopefully get to meet her this time..it's like sooooooo long since we last met..!!!!

oh ya..i started practicing Kendo on my own..and seriously..the footwork are alrite When Done On It's Own..but when i tried doing it with the bokken (wooden sword) it's a totally diff story..and i totally underestimated the action of swinging the sword..it's super diff frm swinging an anything else you can find in your house..but it was fun..trying to practice it while avoiding the ceiling fan and trying not to hit the ceiling or wall when swinging the sword..
can't wait till i get the han of it than i can move on to swinging a real katana..^^

went crazy @ work..;p

haha..wasn't very busy towards closing time..and for some reasons, i was being SUPER HYPER..!!!!! juz can't stand still for even a minute..so i've been walking ard, here and there quite alot..and before anyone knew it (including myself), i was jumping up and down, doing silly cay-walks, and dancing allover the place..even when the boss is sitting there..yes, i was still dancing..but not that much..;p
everyone was very much surprised as much as they were amused (i guess) when seeing me behaving the way i did..many thought i was crazy..and i did drive someone crazy with my hyper activeness..=3 to the extand that she has to address her concerns to the manager..*.*
but he was ok with it, lucky for me..;p but than i felt quite bad too..cuz while jumping ard like a tied-up lunatic in IMH, i didn't notice that my manager was behind me..(so.!?)
i ended up stepping on his foot..or rather..landed on his foot..
end of the day he was still ok with it..^^

i'm soooooo lucky to have a manager like H..:3

day off wif my mom..

*juz a few updates b4 posting anything..;p - bought 2 baby on tue..a bamboo "practice" sword and a black boken (wooden sword) and alreadi named them..boken's called tama while the practice sword's called katsuki..=3
and few days ago (think it was fri nite) i was so disappointed and totally lost control..resulting in a very unwanted situation..which was i teared in front of H..and i was so unstable that he had to send me for a 15min break even though i juz got back frm my eating break..:(
tat's all for updates..now let's move on to the post..*
sunday, 11oct, was my off day and it so happens to be my mom's off day as well..actually wanted to go have buffet @ pariss international..but i can't wake up in time so ended up eating @ pizza hut..not bad la..at least still better than juz eating coffee shop again..;p
actually wanted to dropby my workplace for some snacks and food..but can't..so went to check out zirca's "boy nite" wif my mom..YES..u didn't read it wrong..i went club wif my mom..but we went to SENOR TOPAZ juz ard tat area for a bite 1st..and the food there was goooood..very maxico and ppl there are very warm and very fun ppl..u'll not regret eating there for sure even if u dun really like maxico food..for u'll enjoy watching how the ppl there enjoy themselves and dancing like nobody's business..they're juz cute lah..;p
it was really quite packed in there..so than i've seen for myself that ppl @ my workplace says that most of the boys went zirca instead..but i oso noticed something as well..those boys there aren't as fun as hose who comes to my workplace and butter..
those boys there are juz.. ...hmmm...dunno how to put it in words..they dun smile to anyone else and juz aren't gay enough..
and for those of u who have been thinking who would be so crazy to b clubbing wif their mothers..i would say i'll b even mor crazy if i would have went clubing ALONE in my recent condition..dunno how wild i would get and wad trouble would be in if i didn't have someone there..someone whom u'll surelly behave yourselves when he/she is ard..
well guess that's all for now..
juz one more thing..juz found out i'm actually really mentally ill..Borderline Personality Disorder..
and some website actually says it's a often overlooked serious condition..hmmm...
even if it is something even more serious than BPD i dun think i wanna get it cured anyway..
their tearm for my multi personalities thingy was "inter-relationship" thingy..and i don't get the "self image" part..if geting a cure means becoming 1 whole person than they might as well kill me..how am i to survive w/o my other selfs..???

think i will be needing a doc soon..

has been really unstable recently..and my multiple personalities seems to have isolate themselves a little as it seems that they no longer share everything everytime..
feels like depression is coming back..but it's not like in the past where by i can juz be emo whole day for few mths..i've got to work, and those who knows about my past (which is only very few)believed that i've recover frm it all already..maybe i'm a little crazy now but no longer depressed..
and they are the ones who really care and will worry if anything happens..so for their sake..i hope i manage to hold everything inside..after these few years of "training", think my smile is more or less gd enough to hide most of the things..can't worry them anymore than wad i've made them gone through in the past..at most i will juz have to go find a doc in secret..anyone who's starting to get worried reading this..don't worry..at least i'm not suicidal now..yes i do wanna disappear frm the surface of earth..and at most thats wad i'll do..wad gd is killing myself as my body still remains even when i'm dead..

~神様、私の魂保護するどうぞ~

went butter & living rm again....=3

Hahahahahaha..IT'S MAX'S BIRTHDAY..!!!!!!!!!

but he off mon & tue so only way is to celebrate it on sunday nite..(even though should be mon morning since it's after midnite alreadi..;p)

haha..he was the poor lucky bday boy..lucky as in lots of ppl celebrate his bday for him/with him..poor guy as in he was forced to drink quite alot lah..but that's how they have fun..;p

i had loads of fun too..with my cat ear hoodie and my super long tail..XD
(even though i annoyed quite afew ppl with it..;p)
AHAHHAHAHAHAHAhahahahaha...but it was fun nevertheless..=p

in the end i manage to be back but still feeling alittle emo..like everything's not gonna go well for the week ends..like i'm gonna be abandon again somehow..juz feels so lonely suddenly somehow..am i back on depression..???
i really don't know...can't afford to go back there noe that i've started working..and for the 1st time..i'm allowed to be the one to be workin..!!! not some other personalities inside..even though i'm also juz another one of the many personalities inside..but it seems i was created to mingle around with people or to be protected by others..even if i say so..it seems that so far i'm only able to surface only around very very few people..wonder if anyone actually noticed that the 'kay' they know seems alittle strange, as if a total different person sometimes..
or maybe cuz normally it would be the standard few to be around those people that's why noone can tell..but it's not funny when the only person who's the bright and cheerful one has now become a depressed emo who juz wanna disappear somewhere..

~ 神様、私の魂保護するどうぞ ~ hope the cheerful cat will be back soon.. ...for the sake of everyone..for i do not wish to affect anyone with my depressing aura.....

day out wif sof..!!!!!!!!!

2nd day of offday and went out wif my best budd..=3
basically rested the whole day on mon..so was really glad that i got to go out wif him..;p
went bugis for window shopping..:3
haha..was sooo in diva mode juz now..till he oso like wanna slap my face..;p (juz joking)
no money still wanna say this not gd enough, that got something lacking..etc etc......
haha..*sigh*..kinda over spent this mth (on cab fares..><) and now my mom oso not enough cash to lend me..than thinking how to go Heart of Darkness this fri, 2nd oct sia....><
even if i put my hope on company's tips..how much can we get..???
think if can get like ard $30-40 i'll be super happy alreadi..than mayb try to borrow $10-20 frm my mom than can party..;p
at most dun cab back..instead can take bus back since it's fri got nite rider..
hmmm.....guess it's official that my dad is cutting off the monthly allowance thingy for real..(which is actually against the divorce agreement=against the law)..but if wanna sue/take action against him will be so troublesome..like go talk to lawers than lawers will have to talk to him..and all the blame game will start and never end.. .......... ........... .......... .......... ........... ..........
tired of always having to chase him for the money which he should be giving automatically..
cuz it's part of their agreement, not that i'm begging for it..but i've alreadi seen it coming even before this day arrive..he can suddenly stop supporting my studies and i have to pay my own sch fees for my sec 3 & 4 year, in addition, pay for the 'o' lvl exam fees too..and have to survive by going to my aunt's house juz to have dinner..and have to have my friend buy me food when in sch..sometimes goin to their house to study and have dinner.. ........guess better stop here..noone needs to know too much since noone's gonna belive these shits anyway..except those who had really been there wif me..anyways..those days are over..and this family is better off without him here now..sometimes juz wish he could juz go change his mailing address so that we won't have ANYTHING to do with him AT ALL...
~神様、私の魂保護するどうぞ ~pls do watch over my soul~

it's over.. ...^^

YES!!!!!!
F1 is finally over and so is confusing nite of chaos..;p
i managed to be quite smily treoughout both nite and i think that's kinda gd..(even though i did sorta attitude some people.;p)
on sunday nite i was sorta stunned by one of the bosses..it's like it's my job to smile when there're guest ard too rite..??
and there was this 'human jam' at a certain area while i'm trying to go the other side to get drinks..so i juz stand there for while to wait for the jam to clear up, or at least for it to not b so jammed than i can cut through the traffic..and i was smiling while waiting..didn't notice that he was standing right @ the end of the jam..so as it people was moving, i was juz smiling, than they stopped and i saw the boss standing there..he was juz looking ard then he sorta saw me..than dunno why suddenly he like turned back and looked @ me like as if he saw something..he looked like abit stunned, than he smiled..(??)
so after he continued to where ever he's goin..i was left there..actually i'm nore confused than anything..i manage to remember that i was on my way to collect drinks after juz a few secs..

anyways.everyome's glad it's over now..looking forward to DJ ACEE in the house on 7th oct..^^

F1 nite TONITE..!!!!!!!

yeah..!!!!!!!!
tonite's the 1st nite of F1 nite...seariously don't know wad will happen later..it's really make it or break it kinda thing..and we CAN'T break it..so to make it is a must..
and one gd thing happened last nite..^^ H had a small chat with all of us and i had said wad i had to..hate me if they wanna..backstab if they wanna..wad has to be said has to be said..and if it's anything..i didn't wanna say it @ 1st..but think H more or less knows something is goin on tat's why he wants to talk to us..and he's the one who wants me to talk..so i talked..;p
ok..back to F1..神様、私の魂保護するどうぞ !!!!!
dunno why but am feeling so tired now..but if i'm gonna faint of fall sick or even die oso gotta wait till after sunday nite..shikigami can wait if they wanna take my soul..no matter how eager to meet the Death who's gonna take my soul, but just not when i've something which i must get it done..thnk the next update will most likely be monday..which is my offday..!!!!!!!
ja-ne~^^

UNDERWORLD..!!!!!!

went for underworld after work early this morning, ard 3-4am, @ suntec hall 603..
the place was f**king HUGE (cuz think actually they open hall 602 oso..) but quite empty...
hmmmmm...mayb people left early since doors opens @ 9pm..
had something to drink before goin in..so basically i'm alittle high alreadi by the time we enter..
and yes..that was actually a gd thing..at least i get to be in my own world for a short while (which is till the party's over..;p)..
event ended with Effen to wrap the party up..and he sure did rock the place..everyone hope he could have started spinning earlier as the dj before him kinda sucks (and i'm being kind to say "kinda" as everyone else think otherwise) and not to be rude or anything..i really cannot remember his/her name..all i can remember it's a she/he..
glad to have went there to let lose abit..so laugh all they want, make fun of the way i dance all they want..if they think my dance sucks than go somewhere else when i'm dooin so..i didn't ask them to watch anyway..
so now party's over..gotta prepare myself for a slam-packed weekend at work..hope i won't b stonning when the place is packed..;p

need prozac..!!!!!!!!

dunno y but have been depress more often than usual..even nya-nya, than hyper active cat side of mine, is gettin depress for no reason..
oh ya..fyi..someone told me i have a very nice smile... ...-.-
seriously...though he's not the 1st to tell me that but i still dun see anything nice about my smile..
what is so nice about it when many people just wanna wipe it out forever..and what is so nic about it when that very 1st thing being said about it was 'fake and disgusting' (by one of my sec sch teacher)..and what is so nice about it when most of the time it's being use to hide either my anger or my pain..
ok..better stop it there..if not i can go on and on never ending-ly one..
and one more thing..juz now while on my way back home, somewhere near under my block..there's this guy who looked kinda like a drug addict stoped me and asked for my no. ....%#^%#%#^%$^%$^..i'm single yes...but not desprate to that extend lah..
ok..time for gd news..;p
I GOT MY SAREE.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so wad's missing now is the patticoat and the short blouse which ends juz below the bustline than i can wear it alreadi...^^
but dun really noe where to get them..was thinking maybe can go little india..think there sure have one..but i dun wanna go that place alone..(some may think it's funny that i can go clubbing and drinking by myself, but cannot go little india alone)..haha..juz dun like to go that knda place alone lah..hmmm..think that's about it for now..
hope to get my hands on some prozac or maybe even better yet..something stronger..
than maybe there will be a little lesser complaining and whining frm me..;p

sunday @ H's house for hari raya..^^

was invited to eat @ H's house for Hari Raya..and it was a blast there..
1st of all..his mom really cooks super gd food..^^
his family member were really warm and welcoming..got to see his 4mth old son..SOOOooooooo KAWAII..so chubby..XD
his bro oso came back to s'pore for hari raya..so got the chance to meet him too..nice guy..
best part is that i found out that H's quirkiness actually really runs in the family..
had a really great time there..it was kinda new exp for me to actually be goin to me manager's house wif my supervisors and to be there eating together..but it was really fun..^^

i fucked up again...and i'm the only one.....

fri nite (18/09) was pre F1/FHM 100 most sexiest woman event..it was CHAOS due to free flow and we ran outta this & tat..but best part to it was that i was the ONLY 1 to fuck up the whole event..juz bcuz i was told to take care of a VIP table..and that he likes to order drinks in large # (like x10 evertime) and he's quite demanding..someone actually told me off saying "get lost and go back to your own area..wad can you do here..!? you got no com set and you got no power..!! wad can you do here..!?"..like wad the hell rite..
but he's rite oso..i've got no exp in nite life, i'm the youngest there..and i'm juz a god danm fucking sever who noone listens to anyway..it seem like my job there has become to do wad eva shts tat noone wants to do (provided it's somethng i can handle, even barely is gd enough for them to throw the sht to me..)
feel like juz wanna go MIA after the event since someone ther wants me to fuck off that much and thinks that he can handle the whole operation w/o me in the picture..
but for the sake of H, who actually took the risk and hire this idiot who sorta fucked up the interview..i stayed throughout the whole ops till closing time..thinking 'i've no rite to b angry, i'm not even qualified enough to b angry"..
i manage to smile but it seems that i can't hide my aura well enough..
anyways..tat was pre F1..juz imagine how much more chaotic actual F1 will b like..
神様、私の魂保護するどうぞ

saw this video which seriously pissed me off..!!!

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1020744176333&ref=nf

that's the link to the video..cuz i'm a IT idiot so i dunno how to post it onto my blog..
anyways..eventhough not many people read my blog but pls..anyone reading this and feels the same way..go support onevoice org..you got click on the "english" button thingy before you start thinking 'wtf..how to read' k..
there're lots of org out there trying to protect animals frm those bastard..but those org aren't run by the Alpha & Omega God..hence, they can't stop everyone everywhere..but nevertheless..
let us do wadeva small parts we can to help make this world a better place for the animals and for ourselves..if one can't even show kindness to animals, let alone towards people..for kindness is not in thieir nature in the very 1st place..
and to tell you frankly..i really cried when watching the video..it's amost like hearing the cry for help frm the dogs yet you know that you can't save them..after tat i've becomed alittle unstable..
that's juz me..(that y my mom is very objective of me getting a samurai katana..cuz she knows that 1 fine day i juz might b unstable enough to actually use it)..i will most definately get over this soon..juz don't let me see any animal cruelty while i'm sitll like this..even i won't know what on earth i might do to them..

神様、私の魂保護するどうぞ

hmmm..should i or shouldn't i..????

juz wondering if i should have a chat wif Mr H. regarding my mood swings/alter ego/split/multi personalities..and something something else oso..think he's ok with my new found addiction (think he should know by now cuz it's like goin round my workplace like crazy)..which has became a joke to most, got 1 person worried that i might get involved in some kinda cult activity or something..but it's alrite i guess..these reaction are expected frm prople who do not understand what i'm into..if it's a cult than i will most definately not be involved..cuz most likely i'll be the one starting it..and it would have been started long ago when i was into accult and black magic stuff..
and hope i've finally found a place where i can feel comfortable being who i am, which ever me that may be..and not being outcast by the people there..(if i still can get outcast-ed there than think i'm better off being a loner, starting my own cult, or juz disappear frm the surface of the world and join my Anata in the world of nothing-ness)..
and i'm hopng to mayb find a master or something in this group i've joined recently..sick and tired of having to be so grown-up..sick and tired of always having to think for others before anything else (and still there are people who says i'm being inconsiderate)..sick and tired of having to have these huge walls ard me..

F1 's COMING..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

finally..F1 is drawing near..less than 10days to countdown to..
normally i wounldn't care if it's F1 or not for it reallyhas nothng to do wif me..
but this year I'M WORKING..!!!!!!!
surely lotsa ppl gonna club during tat period of time..(hope ALL the celabs gonna go clubbing @ my workplace..;p)..
hahahahhahahahaha..but noe tat's not possible..hope to see some still even though dn thin got time to ask for autograph..XD
haven't update blog for quite few days due to connection problem..internet can't seem work properly for past few days..><
wanna go somewhere where i can check my weight..!!!!!!!!
cuz tat day went to Alice's shop, alice 88th @ bali lane, and she told me i've slim down alot..XD
tat nite when i went home, i bump into my mum's fren and she said the same thing..XDDD
for alice, it's been ard 7-8mth since we last had a gd chat..saw her @ cosfest @ D' marque for a short moment..did'n had the chance to catch up cuz she was kinda busy than..
my mom's fren i saw her about 1mth back, tat time juz started work not very long..
sooooooooo......i wonder have i droped to 59 yet..?????
if i'm really 59kg now, (or less..;p), i should go get a peircing as an reward man..!!!!!!!

i'm sick.. ...-.-"'"""""

*sigh*....why lah, why..?????
why every time hungry ghost mth i will fall sick..???????
is it bcuz of the weather..???? what i ate..?????
hmmmmm.....................
aiya..dun think soo much lah..since now i'm already sick..no ppoint thinking that much oso..
it's gd tat my fever went dowwn but my throat hurts like i've juz drank some SUPER strong chemical which will burn the throat.......-.-
now even when i talk oso pain..let alone eat or drink..but something intresting happened last nite at work..or rather..found out something intresting bout Myself during work..
normally people feels worst when they have to work when they're not feeling well..
but it's like my throat almost went numb while i was working..!!! it didn't hurt that much..!!!!
for a moment there..i actually thought i'm getting better..but the pian returned when we closed and was in the locker room..and it was worst then wad is was before work..oowwww~
i hav the habit of howling like a dog or cry like a cat when i'm SERIOUSLY not feeling well (ya i know it's not normal, but it kinda made me feel abit better doing so..) but with my throat hurtng like this..i can't really do that now..and that sucks big time..think later i'm gonna bring some honey water to work..ps..it feels like the fever is coming back...!!!!!!
NO......!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
~神様、私の魂保護するどうぞ~

emo again..and all bcuz of m.a...

can't sleep again for past few days..and it's not bcuz i had too much fun on fb till i forgot to sleep..
actually fb not much fun..juz tat it gd to have something to do when u're damn bored..
(i'll b playing games on fb, playing normal pc game, like solitaire, knitting, & sometimes watch anime almost all at the same time..-.-)..
juz trying to do wadeva it takes to keep my mind occupied..burt it seems my brain has been soo used to multi-tasking that no matter wad i'm doin or how many things i'm doin my brain still have the compacity to miss tat m.a somehow..(sometimes i really wish tat i can focus solely on 1 single thing only and not multi task..)..
even at work i would oso spaced out suddenly when there's not much things for me to do..
really wish to get over this issue ASAP..!!!!
cuz even though not many ppl give a damn wadeva happen to me..but there are still those few close ones who cares for me..so for their sake i must get over him soon..cuz it juz dangerous for me to emo..
i tend to hurt others without meaning it..and i'll srely hurt myself when i emo for too long..
for i'm abit sadistic, juz a little..that's why i am so loud and irritating and annoying most of the time..so as to prevent my dark self from ssurfacing..but it seems like she's gaining strengh from god knows where..for recently i've been hurting myself a little more often then usual..
juz hope it's nothing worth worring about..that it'll go off after few more days..
~神様、私の魂保護するどうぞ~

feeling... ...strange... ...

should have gotten over tat person for juz over a mth..but recently i'm starting to miss M.A. again..it may be the sunday nites which cause me to feel this way..*sigh*..sudden feel so lonely and like wanna get myself a bf or something..;p
... ...than again...like as if ANYONE would wanna b my bf even if i'm really looking for one..
sometimes i wonder if karma is 'you rip wad you sow' or bad karma will befall even if it's for something your family or blood related ppl have done..
cuz it juz seems like no matter how i try..i can never find happiness which is mine to hold..
i'll juz have to deal wif it as it is..loneliness is my companion, darkness is all i have to hold..
and in the cold dark abyss is where i shall call home..
hmmm..shall post a poem later on kaymatsu.soulpoetry later.. ...
juz have the urge to disappear somewhere..shall stay there till my dark self goes into a deep sleep.. ... ... ...

crazy over Taiko..!!!

my 1st natsumatsuri exp~

went for my 1st ever natsu matsuri (summer festival) on sat, 22/08/09, and it was not too bad despite havin to wait SUPER long to get in..><

but hey..the whole exp was gd and i enjoyed myself so no compliants frm me..^^

anyways..it's oso da 1st time i so willingly waited for soo long for something (did make noise la..but juuz a little bit only..^^)

sure to go for it again next year..XD

outing with my buddy..^^

volunteered to help out at da lounge on thur to pay back hours which i owe da company..but met up wif soffian earlier in da afternoon and we went walking ard somewhere near my work place..^^
had lots of fun, juz tat gd times dun last..it was soon when have to go off to work..lucky i did enjoy myself b4 work starts as something happened (i should say someone did something) which kinda upset me lah..juz dun understand wad they are thinking sometimes.. not feeling can join da gang for nite drinking session till quite late but cant even work for an hour on thur..best of all..he didn't inform anyone when he disappeared..didn't even sign out..mayb he really sick till gonna faint, or mayb he juz wanna 'cheat' his work hour..either way..i can't b bothered tat much anymore oso.. juz do my best even if da whole lot of ppl keep hintiing tat i'm not gd enough.. WHO ARE THEY TO JUDGE..!!!!! anyways..lots of luv to soffian, thanks for accompaning me even for tat short while..hope we can all go out and have fun for da whole entire day soon next mth..^^

Anime..!!!!!

currently catching two anime at da moment.. "jigouku shojou: futakomori" & "darker than black"..
both are not bad..only prob was tat they take super long time to load and i have to refresh da server qiute afew times b4 i can watch my anime in peace.. .. -.-"'
*sigh*..ok..think i shall wait a little longer..if still cannot watch than i shall go to bed 1st than try again when i wake up..^^

*sigh* i shall confess something now. ...

WARNING!!! Those Who Hate Attention Seekers & Dun Belive In Split/Multi Personality Shit DO NOT READ!!!

rite..after having said tat..i shall confess (be it any1 wanna belive it or not)..

well..i don't really noe which's my case (split of multiple?) but it's something like tat..

some ppl might juz see it as more extreme cases of mood swings oso can..wadeva..

basically dere's da atitude bitch, yours truly writing this, who is VERY gd at driving ppl crazy and most certainly 200% confirm you it's not something any1 would like..

than dere's the 'cute' 1, who was at work for da past fews days instead of me so as not to get 'ourselves' fired so soon, she's basically more well known as the cat (neko) for she likes to take pics & do her famous cat pose.. ...-.-"'

and ya..even though we are of the same person, yet we lived a life of our own wif the very same life we share..contridicting??

that's juz me..alot of things about me juz simply don't make any senses..

think that's it for now.. super sleepy and later got work some more..

Oyasumi nasai..ZzzzzzzzzzzzzzZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

my IDIOT brother..><

i've been workin in nite life juz reaching 1 mth only and it seems he has forgotten i'm still aliive..
my mom cooked fish (my fav..^^) on sunday and left some in da fridge..
my bro jolly well went ahead and finished All 3 fishes this mornin...
I'VE NOT EVEN EATEN A SINGLE PIECE YET NOE..!!!!
like wad da *%#%&()*$#*$#$!@%#&^*&@#*(*&#$$%*&*....-.-"'

HIHI!!!!
BLEAHH